In Life. Just be fair.

I’m tired of writing come-back posts. So, don’t count this as one. For, I’m almost sure I’ll go off again.

Blogging, when in a bad state of mind, is not something I do or even want to do. Hehe…too many people may get hurt, shocked, whatever. So I’m not here to explain why I have been hibernating, for the umpteenth time. I just wanted to tell you…

I’m still kind of reeling under the effect of a major insight into what we fondly, angrily, exasperatedly and hopefully call ‘Life’! That no one has any right to judge another person—no matter what that person may have done or said.

I’m not the kind who sees or meets someone, judges them immediately (as being funny, nice, trustworthy, full of attitude, creepy, and so on) and compartmentalise them. I take my time, give them their space and study them well before I decide if I like them, love them, trust them, dislike them, hate them… But yes, over a period, I do end up judging them—as being good or bad. If they do/say something that is so against my principles and what I consider ‘right’, I do judge them. I suppose it is human.

And when I say we should not judge “no matter what that person may have done or said”, I mean it quite literally. Now, if you ask me if we should not judge someone who has committed a heinous crime—such as a murder for instance—well, I still think we shouldn’t. While you may judge someone for a physical murder, you may reach a point in life where you murder someone’s spirits, kill them mentally. As long as you destroy a person, it does not matter how. The end result is the same in both cases.

So yes, whatever whoever does—there is always a reason. The only thing is that their right maybe our wrong. What we cannot fathom, must have come so naturally to them, thanks to a lot of catalysts. Someone hates his parents, someone cuts off her best friend, someone falls out of love, someone cheats on a partner, someone walks out on his marriage, someone takes another person for a ride, someone steals, someone kills… They all have their reasons which we may never even be a million miles close to finding, ever.

So, when we judge someone, I think we need to know that at some point in time, invariably, we will find ourselves in that spot—the spot where that person we judged stood. At that time, our eyes will open wide, something will go smack in the head, make us stop in our tracks, feel our body go limp, sense our jaw drop…and we’ll be like ‘Oh my God…I never thought I’d ever be here /do this /say this…”

But one day, you will. We all will. I did. And I’m still shocked. I did NOT have this in mind, ever. I did not think I’d ever be where I am right now. But the fact is that I am…and I’m really shocked.

I guess the best we can do in life is to be fair—to the ones we love, hate, hurt, respect, bear with… Just be fair. Be fair, but don’t be sacrificial. Give them their chance at life, but not at the cost of yours. Grant them their happiness, but don’t lose yours.

OK, this is a little strange right now. I’m bad at these kinds of talks. So let me just admit I’m shocked, but I’m not sad about it. It could not have been avoided. Really. I did try. Quite many times, in many ways.

God, I’m shocked. :-|

the mobile phone and me…

…don’t really get along too well.

I don’t like talking on the phone much…and if you have a problem with that, I’m sorry I can’t help you. Well, perhaps I can (by attending your call), but I don’t plan to :D  I guess I owe many people this explanation (though very few of these people read this blog :D; the other option is to text them all. And they may call back. Uh oh…)

I really am not avoiding you, okay? I’m just avoiding your call. Ouch — no, I’m just avoiding having to talk on the phone. Leave me a text message, leave me an offline chat, leave me a mail. I’ll respond, almost instantly, unless i’m sleeping, or unless the phone is like hidden under the cushion, pushed int here by the naughty lil’ Pumbaa. But if I see an SMS, I WILL respond; I cannot guarantee that about a missed call you leave me :D I just don’t like the mobile phone much.

thumbitisNot that I hate it or don’t use it. Just that I don’t use it for what it is meant. A mobile phone, for me, is essentially just a replacement for Gmail chat :D I am a person of few words…I talk very little even face-to-face and I generally prefer “talking” to someone through “chat”or “sms”. And on chat/sms, I can go on for hours together :D

You wont believe it, but I ALWAYS rely on a text message to communicate with someone, before having to actually call that person up. Including emergency situations like being on a busy highway, at the signal, and wondering if we must turn left or right to reach that person’s house :D And when I’m blasted for being so dumb, I dial the number, press “Call” and instantly stick the phone to Suraj’s ear (or whoever else is driving)!

There is just ONE person (yes, person) with whom I can actually talk non-stop, for hours. And that is Pumbaa :D Well, he can’t talk back, and one of us has to do that. So, I happily do it :D

There are very few people with whom I can talk non-stop, for hours, on the phone. One of them is Amma. The other is my brother. Then there are a couple of close friends. Recently, after a rather long conversation (if I may call it that), Hobbes asked me if I were “the same girl who hates talking on the phone?” :roll: Well, that did leave me mumbling for a bit.

And I can’t tell you just how many times I’ve got into trouble with Suraj for never picking up his calls. Well, how will I know he’s calling when the phone is (eternally) on silent mode? [Who puts it on silent mode? Uh...I do.] Even before getting married, this was a constant problem. I guess it was the ONLY reason for our quarrels. He would call, I wouldn’t pick up. He’d call 10 more times. Then he would try my mom’s number, but I’d be at the aunt’s place. Then he’d call the aunt’s number — but by then, I’d have run back home (having realised that the phone has been abandoned somewhere, undoubtedly on silent mode, and that Suraj would be trying to get through to me). Finally, he would get through to me and blast me. I would silently hear him out, ask him if he’s done, and then hang up and go my way.

Except with Amma and my brother, I think I switch to listening-mode with most others :D And happily too. I’m better at listening than talking. Some people make it tough, because most of the ones who matter knows me well enough to continue doing the talking without much expectations ;) Unless I’m completely comfortable with the person on the other side, even being on listening-mode is a pain. So, avoiding calls is the easiest thing to do.

I really don’t know why I talk so little — in general, and on the phone. There is one friend who calls me a chatterbox (really!), but well, I admit that I talk a LOT to him; well, I used to. To others, I think it is mainly because I keep thinking whatever I have to say or talk about will not be of much interest to the listener. Seriously :D I don’t know why I think so, but I do. I don’t say a lot of things, thinking it won’t be of any interest to that person, only to listen to something very similar coming from the other end :D And well, by then, whatever I could have said would have become stale ;)Well, I get into one of my PJ moods when some of my brother’s friends call…and I go on yap yapping for hours, till they hang up on me, threatening to kill me next time they see me. :roll:

So, basically, for me, a mobile phone is essentially just a replacement for Gmail chat :D And Winamp! I use it to text, and I use it to listen to my favourite music tracks. That is about it.

My first one was a Sony Ericsson w810i. I bought it because it came with the cutest, tiniest pair of external speakers ;) (which incidentally wasn’t working, and I still have not used!). I loaded all my music into it, and was always plugged to my phone through earphones. An incoming call in the middle of a favourite song would piss me off — and I’d just disconnect the call! :D Yes, I used to be that bad. I was sooooo attached to that phone that despite being gifted a 160GB iPod, I refused to part with the walkman phone. I did not use the iPod for almost a year! I used this for over 4 years (it looks MIGHTY sad now, considering the number of times it has gone bouncing down the stairs, into rain puddles, on to the road, blah blah!) It served me verrrrry well, though :)

Finally, Suraj convinced me that I baaadly needed a new phone :roll: I refused to exchange my w810. I would always want it, I said.

I bought the Sony Ericsson Xperia w8. Again, for the music. I HATED the fact that it was touchscreen! Texting someone became an ordeal. I actually began calling people! Bah. And then I got used to the touchpad, and now my phone is back to being a walkman, and a Gmail chat alternative ;) And I like the fact that I can access Gmail chat also on it :D That’s about the ONLY reason I appreciate a smart phone now. It is quite smart :D Well, the w810i was smart too, but I wasn’t smart enough those days ;)Mobile phone stress relief

Poor thing, Suraj. New phone and all that, but it too has the silent mode thingy in-built! Oh well, I’m still the same, I guess. I still do not pick up calls :D Living in the same house makes it a little easier for him, I suppose. [And it does not help that he calls to remind me to do the many chores he assigns to me every morning, which I promptly forget :( Listen, if I forget it, perhaps I really do not want to do those :D ]

I still remember, how when we went to Coorg over a year back, there was no mobile connectivity at the homestay we stayed at. Was I thrilled! It was a real stress buster. No one called, no one texted, no one could contact me at all. Absolute “Yay” it was!! (Not that I’m always getting calls/text messages, but still) I was at peace, while Suraj freaked out. :D

So why am I blabbering about all this now? Because recently, a couple of old college friends ganged up against me (okay, I’m exaggerating, but it was akin to ganging up alright. Bah!) for not keeping in touch. Well, I’m ALWAYS online — and none of you are! If you’re all always available on phone, why not give me a call? Er er…I mean, send me an sms :D Anyway, after explaining myself and brilliantly emerging as the innocent angel that I am, I’ve decided to give the single “ring-ring”s in loving remembrance henceforth :D

However, all said and done, I have to say: the mobile phone and me…don’t really get along too well. :roll: And I might even forget about the ring-ring agreement after a while. You are always in my mind, just believe that :D Was I any different at all when we met last weekend? :D

Edited to add: Yay!! I’m not alone. She may be my soul sister :D I could easily have written this post!!

Days of disorientation…

…have been on for a long while now and they don’t seem to come to an end! And I don’t like it one bit. One bit!

And unlike others, when I vanish from my blog, nobody cares. Nobody calls up. Mail do not flood my inbox asking me if I’m alright, where I am, why there are no posts… Nothing, none of that. That depresses me. Nobody cares :D :D :D  Ah well, Scribby did ask. She cares…and I now love her for that!

I missed a lot many of your posts, but most of them, I read. Some I “like”d, some I just read, smiled and closed off. No favouritism there :) Just too lazy to “log in to WP to ‘Like'” ;)

It’s been almost 2-and-a-half months since I blogged last. Not because I had nothing to blog about — in fact, a lot happened over the last 2 months and 10 days. It’s just that I’d been wallowing in depression and disorientation, I’ve not been able to make myself log in here and crib write about it, or about anything at all, for that matter.

  • Celebrated Onam well, minus the pookkalams like last time. Pumbaa had his first ever Onam Sadya — and drooled all over the place while I made him pose…and slurped and gulped it all down in a jiffy! :)
    Pumbaa Nayar Thomas' very first Onam Sadya ;)

    Pumbaa Nayar Thomas' very first Onam Sadya ;)

    • I quit IBM. I put in my papers early September, and I went into depression. Well, it was my decision, but I had really liked working there. There was something comforting about that place, the team, the work… Learnt a lot, went through a lot, lost some “friends”. Gained some real awesome ones :)  — the only thing I’ll miss so very terribly for a looooooong time! So well, though it was my decision, I do regret it at times. But things did change drastically recently (which may also have fuelled my decision to leave; certain people and their principles did not agree with me, though quitting a company because of that may sound an immature act. Well, you need to be there to know it, so don’t judge me yet ;) ). And for the record, she also quit on the same day :D  And like I told a manager, I referred her there, and when I left, I took her along ;)
  • I went on a team trip from office early October, to Pondicherry. Was it awesome!!! :) We left on a Friday late night and reached back Sunday night — after having a ton of fun. I loooooooooooooooved the beach time. The bunch of us walked into a private beach on a sizzling afternoon, around 2, and stayed on till about close to 6. It was splendid. And the Sunday morning walk…it was bliss. Thanks for that, Binoy :)  I don’t think I’d have gone on that walk alone — and if you hadn’t come up with that idea, it’d have been a loss! Thanks for the trip too. I owe you a whole post for being such a great friend ;)

    The beach was all ours! :)

    The beach was all ours! :) -- at Pondicherry

  • Pumbaa turned one (Happy Birthday, Pumbaa!) on October 10. We celebrated his birthday, decorated the house, bought him a load of gifts and made him a special “beef biriyani” birthday cake :D The grandma painstakingly carved out “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” from carrots, because Pumbaa loves carrots :D He downed it all. It was pure neglect and sacrilege on my part not to have posted at least that. Paaavam Pumbaa :( I even posted the pics on FB quite late! Here’s a pic. More here.

    Happy Birthday, Pumbaaaaaaa :)

    Happy Birthday, Pumbaaaaaaa :)

  • I went for a “Nostalgia Night” at Resource Communications, the one place I had ALWAYS loved working in, and the one place I’d love to work in, any day :)  It was on a Friday night, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to make it. But I managed to, thanks to Suraj. It was perhaps one of the BEST decisions I’ve taken. It was awesome being back there, meeting all those people, walking around in that awesome place. Thanks for hosting it, Jayadev and Chicku! You people rock!

    After a night of Resource...ful memories!

    After a night of Resource...ful memories!

  • It was my birthday too, recently. Well, no grand gifts this time, but got a FABULOUS cake — of Calvin & Hobbes. It was sooooo superbly done! I wanted a cardigan, so while Suraj took me shopping, the brother, father and mother decked up the terrace, set the cake and balloons and waited for me to come back! It was awesome :)

    The god-awesome Calvin&Hobbes Cake :)

    The god-awesome Calvin&Hobbes Cake :)

  • Hate being at home, in a state of indecision and confusion. Hate taking it on others, so trying not to talk about it much. Would love to enjoy it as a vacation, but there’s work keeping me occupied and worries keeping me in a perpetual state of disturbance.
  • Love the weather. Bought a cardigan (finally!) and promptly lost it the very next day at the bank — and didn’t realise it until after 4 days. Bah to me, seriously! Ugh!
  • Want to get back to blogging — like I used to. Wonder what’s stopping me :(
  • The only place I want to go to, to live in, EVER is Goa. There! I’ve said it, put it down in writing. Goa, Goa, Goa. Not Kochi, not anywhere else :(
  • The parents have decided to relocate back to Trivandrum. We’ll miss them :(  They’ll miss Pumbaa :(  Pumbaa’ll miss them :(
  • Vimmuuu relocated to Kochi, and likes it better than Trivandrum. Bah to you, pseudo spidey! I don’t like you anymore :(

Okay! I’m done for now. I wonder when I’ll be back — both, to being myself, and to my blog. Too much time, is sometime, very little! Sigh!

Have the stars come down?

There’s a lovely, mesmerizing, sprawling estate. That’s where she lives, all alone, by herself. This estate has the tallest trees she has ever seen, and they’re all so close together, creating a dense forest-like atmosphere. The sprawling bungalow stands proudly somewhere in the centre of the estate, covered on all sides by these tall tress at a radius of about 100 metres. Within these 100 metres, sway hordes of beautiful flowers, croton plants, and some certain lavendar flower bearing trees.

It’s slowly getting dark outside, and the colours fade away politely to bring in the pitch black of the impending night. She puts away the book she’s reading, gets off her rocking chair and switches on the porch light. The feeble incandescence barely lights up the steps that lead down to the courtyard.

As she gets back to her rocking chair and takes the book in her hands once again, she realises she’s hungry — she hasn’t had a morsel since breakfast. So engrossing has the book been. She drops the book back on the chair and walks in.

The bungalow is a huge one. Most rooms in the bungalow are not used — yet, she opens all the huge, grill-less, open windows very morning, closes them before sunset. Today, however, she’s been caught up in the fast-paced pages of the book. That was a mistake. But it’s too early to realise that.

She walks into the kitchen and stands there for a moment, relishing the cool breeze that floated in uninvited. She fixes herself a nice, warm, yummy dinner. As she inhales the aromas of the various spices, it invigorates her, making her feel ecstatic.

That’s when the power suddenly goes out, leaving her in a kitchen lit only by the low flame of the stove — and as she looks out through the kitchen window, she sees only pitch black. And it looks like the stars have come down. As her eyes adjust to the moonlight, she freezes. For, what glitters like stars are glinting pairs of eyes — of many black panthers making their way stealthily towards the bungalow.

As the blood in her veins slows down its mad rush, she grabs at the windows, swing them close. She runs from room to room, swinging them all shut. And as she goes from the rooms facing east, to west to south, she realises the glittering pairs of eyes are covering the distance quickly, all around. The bungalow is surrounded by them!

As she closes the last but one window and turns to close the last one on the opposite wall, she sees lithe paws springing off the window sill, landing sexily on the room’s granite floor. 16 extended, sharp nails click on the cool granite.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————

I’m a person of very few dreams. I dream rarely — yes, really RARELY. And when I do have dreams, they’re extremely vivid, of undeniable details…sometimes extremely shocking.

Some are so real, I wonder if I was actually dreaming. there are incidents I’ve believed have really happened, only to later realise it was but a mere fragment of my imagination at work while I’m dozing! And these realizations strike when I discuss those incidents with other people who were with me “then” in the dream, and they look at me blankly, saying “What? When?”.

Of all such dreams, the one that has given me shivers every time is the one with the estate and the bungalow! This is a recurring dream, one I’ve dreamt at least 15 times, and I’m NOT exaggerating! I’ve had the same dream that many times, and it was always the same setting, the same time, the same bungalow, the same glinting eyes *trembles*. And every time, at that same moment, when 16 extended, sharp nails click on the cool granite, I wake up, heart thudding away, super-glad to find that I’m in my safe bed, on the road-side house in far-away Trivandrum or Bangalore (yes, I’ve had this dream while I was in Trivandrum, and after I came over here).

I do hope my dreams don’t come true! Shudder!

this and that…and some more.

More random stuff, after this and that. I feel safe posting this, since people actually commented they loved reading random posts :D So, Yay!

  1. Blogging seems to be taking a back seat these days. Having Internet restrictions is, I think, better than having full time access to it, and not able to blog! :(  Work is such an overload these days, can’t find blogging time at work at all :D And at home, have Pumbaa, the husband and parents to spend time with. And somehow, the boss never understands why I blog at work :D :D :D And I always get in trouble ‘coz of the way Shail‘s posts like this make me literally LOL/ROFL — that too, just as the boss walks by :D
  2. I wish I’d win a 10 Crore lottery. Sigh! I know a million others wish the same — but seriously. If only the corrupt politicians would come clean, am sure we wont have to pay any tax — on ANYTHING we buy or earn in this country– for the next 50 years! Damn you all, you morons!
  3. Pumbaa always gives company while we have our meals. He waits patiently till we’re all completely done. He doesn’t make a sound till then, but after that, he knows he’ll definitely get a few crispy curry leaves from my plate — and till he gets it, he makes enough ruckus to bring the ceiling down! Sigh!
  4. The brother took a post graduation in space craft engineering (after mechanical engineering)…and now, because is too “overqualified”, companies keep turning him down. And he’s going mad. So, rule of thumb: do not study any of the more specialized courses: do either a normal engg or medicine?? Bah!
  5. I had the yummiest mangoes just now. Bought all the way from kerala. Kottukonam mangoes. Slurrrrp. Gotta bribe the friend more, and get him to bring more soon ;) Pumbaa tasted it too — and went berserk! :D
  6. I rarely spend any time gardening these days. The minute Pumbaa spots me with a spade and a hose, he begins prancing around, and doesn’t let me do anything productive. I think he’s just jealous of the plants — coz’ they never get scolded, never get tied up with a leash when visitors come, never gets said “No” to anything they do, and always get to play freely in water! Yea, am sure he’s jealous :D
  7. I am desperate for a cheesecake. Yes, the first time I even came to know something like that existed, was through F.R.I.E.N.D.S., when Rachel and Chandler steal a box of cheesecake from someone’s doorstep and binge on it. I saw that some 7 years ago. Recently, I got myself the all the 10 seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and saw it again. I want cheese cake. I want cheesecake. I WANT CHEESECAKE! :(  :(   :(  I wish there was a Mamma’s Lil’ Bakery in Bangalore too.
  8. While we’re on the food topic, I recently realised that the ONLY food type that I crave for (from an eat-out; and non-homemade) are Pizzas, Mushroom Pasta in white sauce and Caeser salads — and ONLY from Pizza Hut. I think Pizza Hut is THE best place for pizzas! Everything else, I’ve realised, is makeable at home, with much better taste and flavour quotients. Seriously! Btw, can I take this space to once again whine for CHEESECAKE!?
  9. I love the Vodafone Zoozoo 3G ads — all of them with the “super” theme. Absolutely adore them. Such creativity, such effort, such appeal, such cuteness. And I equally, if not 10 times more, HATE the 3G Idea ads. The morons sitting in some smug ad agency someplace, coming out with these bloody lame “bus bus bus bus bus“; “run run run run run“, “loading loading loading” ads need a reality check. Can’t you see you’re already done enough damage to the brand? ‘Coz of Idea, people can no longer say “i’ve no idea”, for fear of being responded with a “Get idea”. And on top of that, you bring us Abhishek Bachchan triplets and connect 3G with the digit 3? Seriously, when exactly did you lose your brains?!
  10. If any of you’re planning to buy books/movies/most things you get in Landmark/Crossword, just go to Flipkart.com. Oh, I think I owe a whole post for that! :)  I love Flipkart now. Totally! :) Flipkart Ki Jai! :)

this and that…

Some random stuff (for lack one of one sigle thought, and a vent for the million others crisscrossing through my mind)…

  1. Life’s not all that great these days. Fed up of Bangalore (nothing new, I know! :D) The weather doesn’t seem to agree much with me, and I’ve had a bad cough since last Friday!! Over a whole week now — and gets esp worse at night. I think I’m causing more cacophony at night that all the stray dogs together! :D
  2. Read two book the past 3 books and feel soooo good. The last book I read was over 3 months back! :(  And now that both the books are done with, I’m feeling all pissed off. Yes, that happens every time I finish a story — esp when it’s one that I’m thoroughly engrossed in. When it’s over, I can’t take that the story s over and I cant read on; that I’ll have to find a good book asap.
  3. Pumbaa is such a sweetheart. When he sees you first thing in the morning, you get a royal welcome. Go tot the loo, come back and see him after a minute again, he’ll give you world-class treatment again. And then he scrams, picks up his toy and comes for a round of tug-and-war and fetch-and-drop. And then, when he tires out, he lays at your feet and licks your feet. Awwww. Chakkara!
  4. I read Sophie Kinsella’s Confessoins of a Shopaholic and Mini Shopaholic. So, I’ve now officially read the entire Shopaholic series — and I must admit. I’ve ALWAYS enjoy reading them. I am neither rich like Becky, nor a shopaholic. But the series has an uncanny ability to put me at ease. I read at someone else’s blog that this is such a dumb series, and she couldn’t understand how anyone (Becky) could be so dumb, careless and irresponsible. Well, I really don’t agree! I think Becky’s got an innocence, a completely different perspective on things, and a passion for things she believe in! I think it’s fabulous — not at all the “classic” category, I agree. But it definitely is entertaining — esp in troubled times like this :)
  5. I don’t think I’ll ever comment for anyone’s Thursday Challenges, Friday Fotos or Wordless Wednesdays anymore. All your pics are awesome all the time, and I always end up juggling between “Fabulous”, “Splendid” and “Amazing/Awesome”. So here’s a collective comment for all your FF, TT, WW and such posts from now on:  Fabulous, splendid and amazingly awesome! :)
  6. Pumbaa is extremely naughty! Of course, he isn’t Marley (yet!!), but his mischief is ALWAYS, much to my chagrin, targeted at my poor and lovely plants! Any chance he gets, he massacres my plants. Waaah! :( And the minute I scream at him and decide to spank him, he starts wagging his tail furiously and licks me all over. Sigh! Now, how can anyone expect me to remain angry with him after that?
  7. I wish the clothes in the laundry bag would just move their bums, get into the washing machine, wash themselves up and hang out to dry. Bah! Laundry is like a never-ending tedious process. By the time you’re done with laundry, you’re all sweaty, you decide to take a bath. And voila! There’s more laundry! Sigh.
  8. 24 hours seem too less a time frame to accomplish anything, these days. I need more time in a day. At least 24 more hours. Seriously!
  9. Mosquitoes are by far the worst insects in the world. Bloody &$#^&&^&^(*^&*(. I think they’re the ones who need to be annihilated asap! And Goodknight is not very brave or capable; and All Out really goes all out of power in front of these stupid blood suckers! Grrrr.
  10. Pumbaa is extremely intelligent ;) he understands every single thing we say. Say “chaya/bikket” and he’ll go straight to his plate and searches for it. Ask him where his “toy” is, and he’ll search everywhere, find it and ready himself for a round of game.

SAGS

IHM and Swaram have tagged me to list at least ten things I ever wanted or did which my gender is not supposed to. 

So, here goes !

- I love being the engineer in the house..and dive right in if there’s technical things to be rectified.  My bro calls me Benchineer (B.A + Engineer) and the husband calls me Miss Technology :D :D

- I’m most comfortable in my jeans n T and sneakers :)

- I hate pink, lipstick,nail polish and gold!! Hate wearing necklaces, bangles, etc.

- I work, travel alone, have lived alone.

- I love travelling and I do not care if it involves getting dirt splashed on to my white shirt :D

- Have fought with auto drivers, thretened to report them for asking excess fare. Have made peoplethrow ciggies away, for trying to make me a passive smoker.

- Love my phone, camera and laptop :) And i prefer figuring it all out myself, han being taught. I’ll walk into any dirt, to get that perfect shot.

- Do not think cooking, cleaning and serving is the way to please anyone in the family/to get a name for myself. In fact, wile i love cooking, I do it ONLY if I have the mood. Else, I make sure the husband offers help/make him help :D

- Love books more than tailoring, embroidery and crochet (donno any of these) !!! ;)

- I hate gossipping (unless it’s the funny, harmless ones) and wasting time reading Femina, etc. :D

And of course, I love home shopping, pani puri, cooking, mehendi, lovely kurtis, mangoes, cuddling up, sleeping, bathing :P It’s a good mix :)

As for tagging, I hink I’m the last person to put this up :D :D Anyone whos reading this, can take it up.

In fact, all of us seem to be the same. It’s all just a good mix. There’s nothing that man must do and women must do. “Can”/”Will” is a different matter. ;)

just a tumbler of water

It isn’t often you feel like a potential murderer. Well, today seems to be one of those strangely different, out-of-the-ordinary days!

When I read murder stories, I always marvel (in the most negative way) at the ease with which people plan to and successfully murder someone; similarly with movies. But in those cases, there’s always the consolation that it’s not for real. The shock is when such reports come in the news! And I just sit around wondering “How can a person ‘kill’ someone!?” And for someone like me who refuses to kill even an ant, it’s the biggest mystery. So, when today, I was the one scheming and planning, the shock knew no boundaries!

It’s been sometime now, that I have been contemplating on a murder. And every passing day makes me more and more determined to commit this one. I know it takes one hell of a stone-heart to even think of something like this — but I’m sure I want to do it — yes, you read it right: I want to do it.

So, now you must be wondering why the hell I’m writing about in a public forum. I do not intent to murder and act like a saint. I am totally willing to accept the consequences. I’m doing this only because my object of ‘affection’ here does not deserve to live. If I allow it to, I’ll be responsible for the wreck of two other lives. The love that existed all along will be forgotten: slowly, but steadily. And a day will come when these two lives will be totally dispensable for the other. I cannot allow for that. Better that this one dies.

I opened a Google window and started typing “how to murder a” and immediately the following options popped up:

  • how to murder a man (it’s not a man I want to murder)
  • how to murder and get away with it (not my intention; you wouldn’t be reading this if it were!)
  • how to murder a millionaire (why’d anyone wanna kill a millionaire unless you are due to receive all he’s got!?)
  • how to murder a rich uncle (if he has no kids and loves you the most, fine; else, isn’t it more sensible to be his fav nephew/niece?)
  • how to murder a and not get caught (again, i repeat, not my intention!)

Well, the option I was looking for was clearly not available. I discussed with a few close friends
— and finally decidmurdered that it should be a death-by-water! After all, most people wish to have a sip of water before they die!

Now I know how easy it is to kill. All it takes is some amount of hatred, some amount of despair and a huge amount of determination and reckless disregard for all value — monetary, moral and emotional! In my case, I’ll need just one more thing: a tumbler of water.

Once I’m done, and this post is crawled over by the search engine, Google will add one more item to its current list of “how to murder a”. It’ll have an option for “how to murder a television”!

a strange weekend…actually, two!

No no… I did not disappear again. Had made an impromptu trip to Trivandrum, my hometowncity.

The trip turned out to be one of those “totally unplanned, outright fun” ones! All the cousins and second cousins and uncles and aunts were cooped up under the same roof — and we all had so much fun there! Apart from marriages, Onam, and a once-in-a-while first-birthday party, we don’t get together like this: and I can’t really remember the last time we all were together like this…the last time we all had such fun. About 40-odd people — adults and us ‘kids’. Everyone forming tiny little groups in every single space available and chattering, laughing (and even singing), merry-making…

Occasionally, when our laughter crossed the allowed decibel level, aunts and uncles came barging in, admonishing and ordering us to behave ourselves. Yet, at the same time, we could see the ‘elders’ in the family sitting around and sharing old-time stories…their childhood and their pranks — and laughing their hearts out!

But it was all very strange throughout — this merrymaking in the family; the neighbours must all think we’re a bunch of sadistic, barbaric  tribals! Well, can’t really blame them: because it was not really one of those “planned get-togethers”; and I was not really on an “unplanned, fun” trip. I had hurried off to Trivandrum to attend my grandmother’s funeral…

Grandma’s death was much anticipated…and entirely “prayed-for”, I might say. She was slowly entering a phase of immense suffering…and everyone was hoping she’d be called away before too long. So, in a way, we could defend ourselves, saying we were celebrating her ‘escape from sufferings’ or such crap.

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Granma

There! She was the last member of that generation’s lot. Now, apparently, “we all” will never ever get-together like this anymore. Grandma had perhaps been a unifying factor: the reason why everyone got together under that roof occasionally. Now, each to one’s own.

Guess it’s true; four of my cousins are in the middle east; one’s in Delhi; one’s in Cochin; one’s planning to go off soon to Australia; two of us are here in Bangalore; one is off to UK…and God knows when we’ll all see each other again. Unlike those good old days, none of us seem to be really pulled home by force, excitement and urge to attend to weddings and childbirths in the family any longer. We all have our excuses: projects to be completed; horrid bosses who grant no leave; new job, so no leave; exams, so can’t skip school/college; low attendance, will get into the professor’s black list ; out of the country, can’t be bothered to make a presence…and so on. Somehow, a death seem to bring a jolt to each one of us (and to the bosses, teachers and professors as well, God-knows-how!) and everyone turns up somehow or the other.

a small part of a bigger family

a small part of my much bigger family

So, maybe sub-consciously, we all knew it was one of those “this-wont-last-too-long-and-may-very-well-be-the-last-time” times together…and must’ve taken full advantage of it. Bonded with each other asap…sang, danced, wrestled, fooled around, had palmistry sessions, had PJ-sessions…had “tonne kanakkinu fun, fun” (like the tagline of a local radio station goes)!

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Now, its all over. Everyone’s gone back to whatever they were up to before 3.00 a.m. on July 16th!