Finally, I saw GOD…

Yes!! I finally saw GOD. When GOD crashed down into my room and right on to my bed (from which GOD toppled over and crashed on to the floor again), GOD gave me such a scare! I was rather rude to GOD (excuse me for using ‘GOD’ all the time: I’m not quite sure if it’s a he or a she—GOD’s not even human-like, for that matter—floating around, not touching the bed, but making lil’ folds on the sheet…)

Hmmm, so as I was saying, I was rather rude to GOD because I had no idea who/what ‘it’ was…and in much irritation I said “Oh God, what the hell?”. And GOD didn’t react. GOD just stared at me (awed at my vocabulary, GOD said)! That was it! In my irritation, I didn’t even notice the floating body (the only reason I wasn’t scared to death)…and that awesome, soothing voice failed to console me.

Then GOD said “Ennodu kshamikkanam…oru valya ocha kettaa veenathu.” That’s Malayalam for “Please forgive me. I got scared by a really loud sound…and that’s how I fell down.” (Yes, GOD is a multi-linguist.) Then GOD went on to tell me that GOD was passing above my roof when a blaring sound from a funnel-shaped thing screamed out something—and GOD was caught off-guard, lost balance and crashed down. The funnel-shaped thing, I found out in due course, happened to be a loudspeaker attached to the pillar of the mosque near my house!

Apparently, GOD comes floating down once a while to see how things are going on on this earth…and trust me, the expression on GOD’s face when GOD told me this wasn’t all that great!

GOD went on to say GOD was happily watching beautifully-lit small trees, with stars in front of most houses the last time GOD came down to Earth (sometime late in the year, GOD said) when suddenly at the stroke of one midnight, everyone rushed into a place called “Church” and started bending down and murmuring things, looking up at another carved, human figure! Yes, GOD admitted GOD was shocked. “What’s happening to all you humans?”, GOD asked.

Before I could even answer GOD’s doubts and questions, (I’m even thinking GOD is dumb; isn’t GOD supposed to know everything? Who’s GOD trying to fool here anyways?? aha!) well, GOD goes on…GOD says GOD sees people pushing and shoving each other in this place adorned with lit lamps, floral garlands and the smell of something nice all around (I gave him an incense stick for reference, and GOD nodded; Ok, so GOD is talking about a temple!!)—what surprises GOD most is a small carved human-shaped (again!!) stone being washed with water (sometimes even with ghee and milk!) and then adorned with a cream-coloured paste (sandal, yes) and covered again with more flowers!

GOD said GOD had also witnessed people killing animals at these places (GOD uses the phrase ‘flower-garland place’), pouring money into small boxes, rolling around the entire flower-garland place—on the stone floor, that too—fasting day-in, day-out, walking around with spears right through their tongues and cheeks, walking all the way up through thorn-adorned mountains…and at the end of all this, they bow before a small carved human-shape!

GOD finds it preposterous that humans form groups and fight with each other, calling out words like (GOD apparently keeps hearings these) Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Sikh, Jesus, Vishnu, Allah, Koran, Bible…and then a lot of them fall dead before the fight is over… GOD didn’t even finish saying the word ‘bombs’…just shruddered!

GOD said “It’s unbelievable…preposterous! I know you are too young to answer my queries, Priya (yes, we got intro-ed to each other and shook hands a while ago) but I really don’t understand what all these things are…why do people keep bowing and praying before human figures? Do they not think of me anymore? Have humans become more powerful than me? For the record, I keep hearing and seeing you use the word ‘GOD’…that’s why I chose to fall through this particular roof… and well, it’s about time I left…I hear another person saying “GOD”. You know, it’s easy to hear that—while everyone’s screaming Jesus, Allah and Vishnu, a one-in-a-million “GOD” is very audible”.

When we complain that our prayers are never answered…well, now you know why! When we say “How many poojas I did…what was the use?” well, now you know why! When you say “How many candles I lit…what was the use?” well, now you know why! When we despair that “All that namaz yielded nothing…” well, now you know why!

Poor GOD thinks we are all praying to some super-powerful human!!! We think GOD looks like us… But GOD doesn’t look like us…no similarities at all…GOD stares for hours together at an idol of Jesus or Vishnu (or the zillion other Hindu idols) or the view (even if imaginary) of Mecca, and GOD is absolutely clueless! All GOD knows is that GOD is never called on… The poor thing is even a bit in despair that we have all taken to human super-powers and are devoted to them!

Now we know…or do we? Will we ever know at all?

P.S.: And now I know why GOD didn’t react when I said “Oh God, what the hell?” (when GOD initially crashed in). I know why GOD didn’t correct me as “What a contradictory statement” or “Did you mean to say ‘Oh God, what the heaven?’ and all those smart remarks…’coz GOD does not even know what heaven or hell is!