I was born in a family of four, to parents who allowed independence of thoughts and decisions and always gave a chance to become a self-reliant, self-respecting but disciplined individual. I was never forced to do anything against the ethics and ideals I had grown up with. The greatest motivator I had in life was a brother whom I adored. He never created situations in which I would have to put away the individuality with which I’d grown up. I was happy with life and its offerings, free to trace the road towards the future, free to make and take decisions.
Then I fell in love…….. I was elated!! The partner I found for life was accepted by the family with open arms. I was amazed and exhilarated since I began getting added joy in life. As the days passed, I was totally caught up in the love that was so warm and lively. But I had a minor problem. The partner lived far away and I desperately wanted to be with the partner. But at the same time, I was reluctant to leave the parents alone and go away from them; I felt that would be selfish. I was in a dilemma. Then I began trying to reason with the partner as to why I could not join the partner soon. It seemed to work, but I knew that the partner was sad. Caught between the love of the parents and that of the partner, I started realising the every decision I took would somehow affect either party. I also realised that the individuality and freedom with which I had lived for so long was becoming limited as I had to be in accordance with the personality of the partner. I awakened to the fact that the ‘individual’ which I had been all these years was now getting torn apart. I could no longer decide things alone…but still, I moved on…sometimes content, sometimes in despair…So where did I go?? What did I do?? Can I be brought back to be who I was?? Or is ‘I’ lost amidst that multitude of other ‘I’s?
No, that was not my story. It was not a First Person Narrative. ‘I’ was just used as a name, like your name and mine…to tell the story of how you and I get entangled in that web called ‘love’. As for me, I’m not a cynic, neither a sadist nor a pessimist to say that being in love is a disaster. It definitely is not. But that’s not all that love is not…love is not bliss and love is definitely not blind! Unless the love is unconditional—then it certainly is blind and shall be bliss. Otherwise, NO! And more often than not, only one among thousands would be unconditional. Even a mother’s love is seldom unconditional. And that is why these ‘I’s get lost in that web.
Love makes one feel that their partner is ‘all mine’ and easily forgets that the partner has a mind, heart and individuality of her/his own—and this, in turn, invites that dreadful character called ‘possessiveness’ into the mind. The rest is a battle—to let or not to let possessiveness take over. That is a phase of ‘love’ when you regret having succumbed to its cuddly clutches! But hey, love isn’t all that disturbing. It is just a new route you start to travel on, being responsible for another’s emotions, which would be to you as valuable as your own. All you have to do is “think”—
think that your partner is not you.
think that your partner can never be you.
think that even if your partner tries to be you, it wont work (don’t do it; don’t expect it done either!)
think that it’s ok for your partner to indulge in him/herself occasionally (yu do it too, but never realise!)
think that if your partner can apologise, well…so can you!
think that letting-go of your ego is the best decision you can ever make.
think that their emotions are as opaque as yours. (mind-reading is impossible; so open up!)
—and finally accept that there is no book or article on earth that offers ‘101 Solutions for a Problem-free Love Life’. The ‘think’ points I mentioned above would be only the tip of the iceberg of solutions. Disappointingly, no scientist or underwater camera is ever going to help you find the hidden iceberg for you! It just leaves tips like this here and there, which people like me grab and put into books and articles. So, instead of hunting for the iceberg, it would be for your best intent that you just make sure there’s never any space for ice between you and your partner. Stay frost-free!
Courtesy: My Partner!