if they had a life…

D

am as bored and lazy as this bored and lazy doggie here πŸ˜€

I’m so lazy these days, I’m wondering if I’ll ever ever be able to ‘work’ again….I think my career has gone for a six already πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ (I’m due back in office in a couple of months’ time…but I’m not sure any more that’ll be an intelligent thing for my boss to do! πŸ˜› )

Boredom and laziness can always work towards giving you weird ideas and crappy imagination. And it’s wonders had started working one me. Anyway, I was so out-of-mood and bored that I began telling myself “Have a life, Priya! Go out with friends, shop, read something, do some work…don’t just sit there like a lifeless chair (now, since when have there been chairs with life?)“, when I started wondering what all other lifeless stuff would do if they ‘had their lives’ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

Well, in my limited imagination and perspective, the hitherto ‘lifeless’ stuff around me would probably behave in the following ways: (I am sure they won’t approve of my perspective and will have better things to do. My bed would probably prefer walking around the house aimlessly and plopping on me every once in a while πŸ˜€ )

Yea, to begin with, the bed! I’m sure it’d love to turn upside down and lie on me with all its weight if it had a choice. I’m sure the cot would be extremely touchy, walk over to the nearby shop for ‘Super Glue’ and stick itself to the floor! 😐

The table in my room would probably put up a board “Do not litter me, use the waste bin instead!”, and the waste bin would feel bored and neglected (unless the table and the bin gets into a deal!) Am sure I give them enough opportunity for a decent barter system. πŸ˜€

My cupboard would sue me for choking it (even in its present lifeless state, it throws up throws out every single clothing of mine every time I yank the doors open. The cupboard doors, am sure, will have high blood pressure (holding the weight of all my clothes when its closed πŸ˜€ )

The bathroom would be the only happy ‘person’, I guess. I’m a pretty good singer and am always in full-throated musical extravaganza every time I enter in there (even now, it supports me with a lot of echo πŸ˜€ )…and well, not to mention the opportunity of seeing me naked, countless no. of times πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ . But the washbasin would be a perpetual pneumonia patient (and suffer from high degrees of humiliation πŸ˜€ ). I refrain myself from thinking aloud of the EC’s (european closet) feelings! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜›

My toothbrush will probably think I’m a skunk of sorts πŸ˜€ . My comb would die of overwork. My handbag would probably wish it were born as a waste bin and do the same job it does now, but with dignity!

The PC would constantly swear at me in digital languages (!!) and sent out sparks (its way of kicking, since it has no legs πŸ˜€ ) The mouse, am sure, will wish there was a cat around and could attain salvation! Combined, the whole system would curse me for leaving the stinking deadbody of my UPS unburied for such a long time (read as years) πŸ˜€

My phone…ah! Its reactions and feelings, I got no clue about. For all the injustice I do to it (frequently dropping it; spraying it with water; almost-killing-it-by-leaving-it-chargeless for too long; leaving it around, making it scream for me endlessly when someone calls; and sitting on it now and then), I’m sure my phone will send out SMSs that say “save me from this moron(ess)” to my friends’ phones !

The TV would probably feel giddy at all times from too much channel switching…and would lose its mental stability (making it two maniacs in one house πŸ˜€ ).

My house will move out of town! πŸ˜€

…am not even getting to what these ‘lifeless stuffs’ would do in vengeance πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ If you ask me, I’m sure my bed would love to bulge its belly and burp out loud, throwing me off it! And the cot would probably grab me by my leg and swing me this way and that! The dirtiest (pun intended) vengeance would be of the EC :D:D . I shudder to think of it! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜›

Now, what do you think stuff in your house/office would do to you?

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22 thoughts on “if they had a life…

  1. wow gr8 imagination .. my pc already behaves weird around me in its lifeless state.. it evn crashed once.. i’m sure it wud blow ME up if it gets a life ! my book cupboard is really messsyyy .. it wud die of suffocation as soon as it gets life ! πŸ˜€

    ur bathroom wud really luv u :p

    “My house will move out of town!” πŸ˜€

    nice post again.. tc !! πŸ™‚

  2. U really have a lot of free time it seems. πŸ™‚ Have u read the story where a man starts calling his furniture by other names and ends up going mad?? I cant remember the title now. Innovative post indeed!

  3. Its true that boredom makes us feel that we are completely useless but u will get back to ur normal routine fast when u get engaged with some kinda works !! πŸ™‚

    one thing in my house that wud probably die itself… may be the mirror …for hearing all the bull shit from me n blaming everyone around n more than all that seeing my weirdest expressions! πŸ˜›

  4. lol …
    loved the post till the end..each line was too good..
    very creative …
    well , cant think of any thing what mmy stuffs will do..
    almost 2 ..
    my brain is not working at all.. πŸ˜€

  5. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ aaj mera achchha din hai1 this is the third post in a row that i am reading which has made me laugh! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ but if you keep going the way you are, u are surely going to end up calling you furniture by names, as reema mentions! Or have you already and i missed it in the post! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

  6. @Nikhil
    hehe…yea, but has never made any humiliating faces/sound/comments whatsoever…so i’m cool abt it kinda decent that way

    @Anu
    Thanks πŸ™‚ … am sure anyone’s bathroom, with a life, would be the happiest (you never kno their sexual orientation )

    @Nikhil again
    ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….NO!

    @Reema
    Yea, that i do! and the ‘naming the furniture’ idea is superbe…lemme try tht now (if they respond, i’ll put up a post…if they dont respond, then i’ll put up a post )
    Thanks!

    @Rekha
    hehehe…do you play “Mirror mirror on the wall” game? hehe…

    @Arvind
    hehe…thanks πŸ™‚
    if you cant imagine wot yur stuff wud do, then i think yu’re pretty decent to them—unlike me

    @Sakhi
    Thanks πŸ™‚ and the naming, i’ll surely do it…my imagination wasnt that wild…but Reema set it aflame

  7. I agree with Dinu. Dont wait too long, start working !!!
    When there is nothing to do around, you get the feeling that the comb is indeed talking.
    The bed kicking. The bathroom peeking,the computer swearing.

    As far as my stuff goes, I think only my motorcycle needs salvation (you should read my latest post)

  8. hhmmm……My bathroom would also feel the same way; but I guess my neighbours are waiting to kill me !!! My kitchen feels so neglected that the bulb inside fails to glow :)My bedroom and the bed cries aloud together “Yeh dil maange more” and I dont listen to it at all. My laptop felt that I was using it like a whore and stopped functioning since June, had been subjected to a lot of service; but no use, gotta get a new ahem-ahem πŸ˜€ !!

    The list goes on….honestly, a very innovative post and u deserve an award for this one alone.

  9. I know! Imagine if all these ‘non living’ things came alive.. even say, for an hour! They would ransack you, the way or maybe worse than the way we treat them!

    My worst fear is if my blog came alive.. It would create a life of its own 😦

    Or my car – it would drive away, fall in love with another, get married & have kids?

    Or Oh! Can you imagine? If your tooth brush came alive? Let’s just hope the LOO never comes alive!!

    Nice post! πŸ˜€

  10. hehehe lovely, hilarious & innovative pot πŸ˜€

    My Laptop will start working like a snail πŸ™‚ (i have a habit of munching while working and all the eatables are sprayed on the key board)

    My Bag will develop holes and drop all my stuff, right punishment for always dumping & overloading it πŸ™‚

    My mobile (which already on its last leg) will commit suicide for the way I keep dropping it πŸ˜€

    For a person like me this list is endless hehehe

  11. The story is “A Table is a Table”. I’ll tell(paste) the story here.

    There once was this really old man who was not much of a social person and having outlived his other friends did not have the desire or the need to reach out for human contact. To add some spice to his otherwise mundane existence, the old man devised a new way to interact with the few belongings he had and invented a new language. Suddenly his spartan apartment was abuzz with activity as he started renaming one by one, all his belongings. So the bed was no more the bed, it was the ‘picture book,’ the chair became the ‘alarm clock,’ the table became the ‘umbrella,’ the picture book was the ‘chair,’ the alarm clock was the ‘Umbrella’ and so on the old man went, renaming all the material objects that he possessed. He would wake up in the morning to switch off the ‘alarm clock’ and suddenly chuckle at the thought of switching off the umbrella instead. He invented his own language; extended it to new objects outside of his apartment and this imaginative activity made him feel like a whole new man. So much so, when he would go to the grocer, he would be asking for a ‘table’ instead of the bread. The more he got involved and enjoyed the mental stimulation of his new game, the more isolated he got. People could not understand him anymore and the story ended on a rather sad and melancholy note.

  12. @Dinu
    hehe πŸ˜€ … well said!

    @Xylene
    hehe…yeah right!
    will definitely check yur latest post! πŸ™‚

    @Suda
    No! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ shameless ppl !! Nikhil, spoil them all, will yu??!

    @La vida
    πŸ˜€

    @Vimal
    hehehe…all our possessions wud’ve heart-rending sob stories πŸ˜€
    and thanks, buddy! am honoured!

    @Aparna
    Welcome to AlphabetWorld! πŸ™‚
    “Or my car – it would drive away, fall in love with another, get married & have kids?” hahaha….wud be madness if “car kids” start flooding the roads πŸ˜€ Thanks!

    @Smita
    Welcome to AlphabetWorld! πŸ™‚
    Thanks a lot! πŸ™‚
    “My mobile (which already on its last leg) will commit suicide for the way I keep dropping it :D” yey!! now i kno to which phone my phone will send “sos” notes to !!! πŸ˜‰

    @Reema
    Thanks a lot! very sweet of yu…!!! I’ll gt the book asap! Damn interesting πŸ˜€ I’m empathetic to th nice ol’ man! I’m well known in office for “talking” to my comp, book, phone and chair πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  13. U r welcome. But it isnt a book. Its just one of those small stories we used to read in English Textbooks of CBSE board. BTW i notice now ur name is getting hyperlinked to ur blog. U have done it atlast.

  14. @Reema
    😦 😦 Ok! yeah! I tried wot yu suggested thrice and it never worked…then i had tu beg nikhil tu help… πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ all thanks tu him! πŸ™‚ these technical things always fail wid me πŸ˜€

    @Sakhi
    yeah…actually.!

  15. Pingback: Nominations So Far…(Updated 06/Oct…still more to come) « Visceral Observations

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