The pitter-patter of love

These days, I barely get time to myself. I shifted house recently, and there are so many pending chores, which I must get done but don’t find the time for, I’m beginning to get really annoyed at myself! It’s not easy; in fact, it borders on frustration most times.

And as if that was not enough, since the day I moved, everything seemed to go wrong for no reason. Mobile phone stops working. Then washing machine stops working. Then Wi-fi stops working. Then fixed-line stops working. And I call one customer care after the other, but no one comes until it’s too late and I absolutely need to get to office. Then bank transactions become a problem because mobile number changed. Everything takes over a week or two to get fixed, and I end up having to be immensely dependent on others who have better things to do in life than make customer-care calls on my behalf. NOT to my liking. At all.

And when there is so much work that I am ending up staying more at office than at home, all this gets tougher to deal with. Especially so, when I know there are two tiny tots all alone at home, all day, waiting for my return.

The past two weeks, especially, have been extremely tough. With an official travel thrown in too, at short notice. I’ve been coming home really late. And then staying up later, ending up heavily sleep deprived. Most nights when I reach home, I’m so dead tired that I’m scared to even lean against the walls of the elevator, lest I fall asleep there 😛

And every single day, I walk out of the lift, into the corridor, towards my door — and I desperately wish I had someone to come home to. Well, ok…not just “someone”, but my mom (which would mean “food, laughter and comfort” readily available).

It’s about 20 steps, from the lift to my door. In that short span, I wonder why I’m doing this, why things could not be different, why I can’t just quit and go home to good old Trivandrum, why the hell there is so much work, how the hell I’m to find time for personal chores, how life is so devoid of joy, how I’m tired and do not have the energy to cook and clean up, how all I want to do is just make a beeline to my bed and crash…

This is about the time I reach my door, pull out the key, insert it into the lock…and invariably shake my head at the HUGE smile that’s on my just-a-micro-second-ago-grumpy-and-tired face.

Because I hear the pitter-patter of love, from the other side of the door, as Pumbaa and Khloe jump off the sofa and run to the door to welcome me home.

As I get in, it is a mad rush of Pumbaa welcoming me by jumping all over me and then skidding across the living room, grabbing his toy and rushing back at me…and Khloe continuing to jump all over me till I pet her enough.

Fatigue, annoyance, despair, sleep: everything’s taken care of! I’m a happy soul again. I play with him, I cook their food, fix something for self, I feed them, I clean up, I play with him some more. And then, I hug them both tight and apologize for being away too long, and thank them both for the understanding, the patience and the unconditional love.

It’s this pitter-patter of love that keeps me going. I don’t know what I’d do without it.

Image

Pumbaa and Khloe, back on the sofa, 5 mins after I sternly told them it is off limits. Sigh. Well, they let me cover it at least. 🙂

Meet Khloe :)

Our 6-year old beagle, a sweetheart we adopted a week ago.

The whole idea was formed when my ex-manager and dear friend, Neeta, forwarded a mail that took me to a blog that said “20 beagles from a lab need homes”. Of course, having a Labrador at home made me first think the mail meant these were pups of a lab-beagle parents. And then, I noticed a comment that said something about beagles being extremely gentle beings, which is why they are “used” in labs. Which is what made me research more on beagles in labs. That took me to the Beagle Freedom Project. I read about the horrors these lovely creatures are put through in animal “testing” laboratories. I was aghast. I came across this video, and was reminded of having seen it a couple of years ago.

Well, I did not need any more persuasion or convincing to take a decision. We wrote to CUPA who was organising this adoption drive, and was told we would get to adopt one on 19 Feb. I really really wanted to get two — so that they’d have each other for company always. But plans don’t always work.

On 19 Feb, we went to the CUPA centre at Ulsoor, to find that there were 40,a nd not 20 beagles up for adoption! We registered, and had to wait for our turn to make the selection. There was one I had almost decided on; till then Khloe was not in my line of sight. It was when a car had to be reversed out from amidst the cages that the guy moved Khloe’s cage to another side. That’s when I saw her. And when it was my turn to choose, I opened the cage of the one i had almost set my mind on, and called her out. She was responsive, but did not budge. I opened Khloe’s cage, and she came out, slowly but with much affection. I gently pushed her back in and tried two others. Well, in the end, Khloe it was!

I guess it suffices to say that Khloe chose us 😉 She came to us happily, stood patiently while we put on her a new collar and clipped it to her new leash. She was curious, but anxious. She was friendly, but extremely docile. Every time we bent down to pet her, she would cower and almost set herself flat on the ground 😦 It ached to see her do that.

That was 5 days ago, and at the adoption center. The moment we reached home, she surveyed all of the first floor. She was hesitant to climb the stairs to the second. Since CUPA had to sterilise her, they operated her and there was a cut on her belly which was stitched and bandaged. We did not want to force her to climb, for fear of her wound causing her pain. She settled down extremely quickly.

Am I beautiful or not?

Am I beautiful or not? Pic courtesy: Neeta

The first day at home is the ONLY time she slept on the floor. I guess she was not sure what the sofas were for; plus, I was sitting on the floor, so she must’ve assumed that’s where we all sit/sleep.

I'm at home here.

I’m at home here.

That evening, Neeta and the Queen of Subtlety came home to visit Khloe. They spent quite a while cuddling her, taking pictures, and generally giving her love therapy 🙂 Close to 8, they were hungry, and decided to leave. I decided to join them for dinner. While I was gone, Khloe watched TV.

Wow. There are many dimensions to this world! Interesting, I say.

Wow. There are many dimensions to this world! Interesting, I say. 

Khloe is now a happy girl. Because she has figured out the comforts of the various soft sofas, beds and settees in this house. Needless to say, she now owns them. The moment one of us sits down, she considers it her right to climb up right up near me, shifts about till she gets into a position that lets her be squished between me and the backrest, and promptly dozes off. Ina day or two, she has come to the conclusion that she can doze off even without waiting for me to sit. As long as one of us is in the room, all is well.

The wonders of a certain thing called 'sponge'.

The wonders of a certain thing called ‘sponge’.

Khloe is a happy girl 🙂 We took her to the vet today, and he said she’s healthy, and seems happy and quite well adjusted in comparison to how normally other adopted dogs seem in a week of getting a home. She refuses to eat anything at all, but that is just because it’s a new environment. We took her on her first ever walkie-walkie today evening, and she was a good, co-operative girl! I’m proud of her.

Khloe Nayar, welcome home 🙂 Here’s to a delightful new life, baby! 🙂

I look forward to sunshine, happiness, love and much joy in life.

I look forward to sunshine, happiness, love and much joy in life.

I miss you…

…so very much.

I wish I never let you go. I wish I’d held on to my selfishness and held on to you stronger. I also wish I had not got so attached to you. Well, you gave me no option, did you, but to love you so much, so deeply, so genuinely…you being you?

It is heart breaking to go home now. There is no one waiting for me, no hugs, no wet kisses, no show of emotions that lets me know that I’d been missed, and it’s great to have me home. There is nothing you left behind, for me to hold on to when I miss you like crazy; all I have now are some photographs of those happy days, which I go over every single day, remembering those precise moments, those days of pure joy—and love.

Everything I do now—right from when I wake up in the morning, to when I go to bed—I wonder what you’d have done if you were here…how you’d have reacted…how I may have done it differently, just for you…how much happier I’d have been, having you, knowing you’re there, every moment.

A full day at home is so unbelievably depressing. I have no one to talk to for hours together; no one to just sit with in silence and feel absolutely content; no one to take a walk with on a nice evening; no one to share my cookie with; no one to pester and generally have some fun with; no one to drive me mad and then make me laugh; no one to hug and cry my heart out when I’m depressed; no one to look at me calmly and let me know it’ll be OK; no one that is YOU.

Why, oh why, did I let you go? What was I thinking? I never knew anyone could bring such meaning into my life, mean so much to me, and then just drive off one morning breaking my heart into a million pieces…and leaving me to deal with a difficult life all by myself.

Please come back. I’m so in love with you, I can’t bear to not have you by my side. Can’t live without seeing you everyday…hugging you every moment I can, telling you how much I love you, and just how glad I am that I have you in my life. And right now, I really need you with me. Really, really. Come back…

Pumbaa, please come back. I miss you…so very much, Chakkare 😦

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Edited to add (after I realised people are worried about what happened to Pumbaa): He is totally fine, vacationing with my parents, in Trivandrum…and will be back only by end of March. Been over a month since he left 😦 😦 😦 And while we’re at it, I miss my parents too 😀