just a tumbler of water

It isn’t often you feel like a potential murderer. Well, today seems to be one of those strangely different, out-of-the-ordinary days!

When I read murder stories, I always marvel (in the most negative way) at the ease with which people plan to and successfully murder someone; similarly with movies. But in those cases, there’s always the consolation that it’s not for real. The shock is when such reports come in the news! And I just sit around wondering “How can a person ‘kill’ someone!?” And for someone like me who refuses to kill even an ant, it’s the biggest mystery. So, when today, I was the one scheming and planning, the shock knew no boundaries!

It’s been sometime now, that I have been contemplating on a murder. And every passing day makes me more and more determined to commit this one. I know it takes one hell of a stone-heart to even think of something like this — but I’m sure I want to do it — yes, you read it right: I want to do it.

So, now you must be wondering why the hell I’m writing about in a public forum. I do not intent to murder and act like a saint. I am totally willing to accept the consequences. I’m doing this only because my object of ‘affection’ here does not deserve to live. If I allow it to, I’ll be responsible for the wreck of two other lives. The love that existed all along will be forgotten: slowly, but steadily. And a day will come when these two lives will be totally dispensable for the other. I cannot allow for that. Better that this one dies.

I opened a Google window and started typing “how to murder a” and immediately the following options popped up:

  • how to murder a man (it’s not a man I want to murder)
  • how to murder and get away with it (not my intention; you wouldn’t be reading this if it were!)
  • how to murder a millionaire (why’d anyone wanna kill a millionaire unless you are due to receive all he’s got!?)
  • how to murder a rich uncle (if he has no kids and loves you the most, fine; else, isn’t it more sensible to be his fav nephew/niece?)
  • how to murder a and not get caught (again, i repeat, not my intention!)

Well, the option I was looking for was clearly not available. I discussed with a few close friends
— and finally decidmurdered that it should be a death-by-water! After all, most people wish to have a sip of water before they die!

Now I know how easy it is to kill. All it takes is some amount of hatred, some amount of despair and a huge amount of determination and reckless disregard for all value — monetary, moral and emotional! In my case, I’ll need just one more thing: a tumbler of water.

Once I’m done, and this post is crawled over by the search engine, Google will add one more item to its current list of “how to murder a”. It’ll have an option for “how to murder a television”!

a strange weekend…actually, two!

No no… I did not disappear again. Had made an impromptu trip to Trivandrum, my hometowncity.

The trip turned out to be one of those “totally unplanned, outright fun” ones! All the cousins and second cousins and uncles and aunts were cooped up under the same roof — and we all had so much fun there! Apart from marriages, Onam, and a once-in-a-while first-birthday party, we don’t get together like this: and I can’t really remember the last time we all were together like this…the last time we all had such fun. About 40-odd people — adults and us ‘kids’. Everyone forming tiny little groups in every single space available and chattering, laughing (and even singing), merry-making…

Occasionally, when our laughter crossed the allowed decibel level, aunts and uncles came barging in, admonishing and ordering us to behave ourselves. Yet, at the same time, we could see the ‘elders’ in the family sitting around and sharing old-time stories…their childhood and their pranks — and laughing their hearts out!

But it was all very strange throughout — this merrymaking in the family; the neighbours must all think we’re a bunch of sadistic, barbaric  tribals! Well, can’t really blame them: because it was not really one of those “planned get-togethers”; and I was not really on an “unplanned, fun” trip. I had hurried off to Trivandrum to attend my grandmother’s funeral…

Grandma’s death was much anticipated…and entirely “prayed-for”, I might say. She was slowly entering a phase of immense suffering…and everyone was hoping she’d be called away before too long. So, in a way, we could defend ourselves, saying we were celebrating her ‘escape from sufferings’ or such crap.

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Granma

There! She was the last member of that generation’s lot. Now, apparently, “we all” will never ever get-together like this anymore. Grandma had perhaps been a unifying factor: the reason why everyone got together under that roof occasionally. Now, each to one’s own.

Guess it’s true; four of my cousins are in the middle east; one’s in Delhi; one’s in Cochin; one’s planning to go off soon to Australia; two of us are here in Bangalore; one is off to UK…and God knows when we’ll all see each other again. Unlike those good old days, none of us seem to be really pulled home by force, excitement and urge to attend to weddings and childbirths in the family any longer. We all have our excuses: projects to be completed; horrid bosses who grant no leave; new job, so no leave; exams, so can’t skip school/college; low attendance, will get into the professor’s black list ; out of the country, can’t be bothered to make a presence…and so on. Somehow, a death seem to bring a jolt to each one of us (and to the bosses, teachers and professors as well, God-knows-how!) and everyone turns up somehow or the other.

So, maybe sub-consciously, we all knew it was one of those “this-wont-last-too-long-and-may-very-well-be-the-last-time” times together…and must’ve taken full advantage of it. Bonded with each other asap…sang, danced, wrestled, fooled around, had palmistry sessions, had PJ-sessions…had “tonne kanakkinu fun, fun” (like the tagline of a local radio station goes)!

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Now, its all over. Everyone’s gone back to whatever they were up to before 3.00 a.m. on July 16th!

Four women…and the cycle of life

ONE→ — she was a goddess! She had the heart of a…well…I can’t find a single person / thing to compare her with. Love seemed to be the very reason behind her existence…and love is all she ever had in her. From my earliest memories, I can only take out snaps of her angelic face…with that never-fading smile. I could never determine if they were wrinkles or laugh-lines that blanketed her face.

She was always concerned about every living thing’s welfare. Meet her for the first time in your life…and you’d still be asked the one question which was so characteristic of her: “Have you had any food, my dear?” There was not a single person who hasn’t felt warm being asked that. There were only good things she had to tell about people.

She was everyone’s darling — a hot favourite in that neighbourhood. The perfect woman: which put heavy demands on her daughter 😉 .

When she died at the age of 94, even the plants in the house seemed to wilt!

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Two — born the eldest in the family and followed by two brothers, she was a pampered sister; a disciplined daughter; a liberated wife.

Her childhood — in the role of a daughter — was a supressed one. She longed to wear glass bangles; but when she finally got  a few and wore it, her dad smashed them all into bits. She longed to dress up, but  feared her dad’s reaction to it. She longed to be liberated: and that’s when she got married.

The husband danced to her every whim; gave her all she wanted; treated her like his goddess. But alas! She never became that loving wife he thought (and expected) she would. Money became the reason and the ‘everything’ of her existence. Even when her seven kids grew up, she treated them all on the basis of who was richer…and who gave her the best benefits.

Throughout her life, all that ever mattered to her was money…and her own well-being. Anyone / anybody who came in the way was treated like dirt.

She is now 90. Health is deteriorating; beauty has faded; all that remains is the arrogance, self-indulgence and love for money!

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Three — probably was born as an angel and sent down to earth for the welfare of a few select earthlings!

The one person in the family who lived for the family. Right from childhood, she took it up on herself ‘to care’. Everyone was always treated like kings and queens by her. Even when they (almost always) forgot to care for her welfare, she’s never had a complaint.

She is beautiful, angelic. And has a heart that matches her face. Love seems to be the very reason behind her existence…and love is all she ever has in her. From my earliest memories, I have felt only the love that overflowed from her heart.

No matter how people treat her, she is always available and ready when they are in need. Nothing ever deters her from helping someone — even while she’s in the worst conditions.

She is everyone’s darling…and will always remain so. She’s the kind of woman every woman would love to be: which places a lot of demands on the daughter 😉

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From the cycle of life depicted here, Four is likely to follow Two. But she’d be damned if that happens. Knowing her, am sure she won’t let anything lead to that!! She loves Three and that’s who she’d love and strive to be like.

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This is the story of four consecutive generations in a family…

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Oh! By the way… Four is me.
It’s too early to really write anything about 😀 😆