just a tumbler of water

It isn’t often you feel like a potential murderer. Well, today seems to be one of those strangely different, out-of-the-ordinary days!

When I read murder stories, I always marvel (in the most negative way) at the ease with which people plan to and successfully murder someone; similarly with movies. But in those cases, there’s always the consolation that it’s not for real. The shock is when such reports come in the news! And I just sit around wondering “How can a person ‘kill’ someone!?” And for someone like me who refuses to kill even an ant, it’s the biggest mystery. So, when today, I was the one scheming and planning, the shock knew no boundaries!

It’s been sometime now, that I have been contemplating on a murder. And every passing day makes me more and more determined to commit this one. I know it takes one hell of a stone-heart to even think of something like this — but I’m sure I want to do it — yes, you read it right: I want to do it.

So, now you must be wondering why the hell I’m writing about in a public forum. I do not intent to murder and act like a saint. I am totally willing to accept the consequences. I’m doing this only because my object of ‘affection’ here does not deserve to live. If I allow it to, I’ll be responsible for the wreck of two other lives. The love that existed all along will be forgotten: slowly, but steadily. And a day will come when these two lives will be totally dispensable for the other. I cannot allow for that. Better that this one dies.

I opened a Google window and started typing “how to murder a” and immediately the following options popped up:

• how to murder a man (it’s not a man I want to murder)
• how to murder and get away with it (not my intention; you wouldn’t be reading this if it were!)
• how to murder a millionaire (why’d anyone wanna kill a millionaire unless you are due to receive all he’s got!?)
• how to murder a rich uncle (if he has no kids and loves you the most, fine; else, isn’t it more sensible to be his fav nephew/niece?)
• how to murder a and not get caught (again, i repeat, not my intention!)

Well, the option I was looking for was clearly not available. I discussed with a few close friends
— and finally decided that it should be a death-by-water! After all, most people wish to have a sip of water before they die!

Now I know how easy it is to kill. All it takes is some amount of hatred, some amount of despair and a huge amount of determination and reckless disregard for all value — monetary, moral and emotional! In my case, I’ll need just one more thing: a tumbler of water.

Once I’m done, and this post is crawled over by the search engine, Google will add one more item to its current list of “how to murder a”. It’ll have an option for “how to murder a television”!

Indecisive—that’s the weirdest one can ever get.

Indecisive—that’s the weirdest one can ever get. Taking a decision, changing it, changing it again…and then changing it all over again! If it bothers ONLY you, I guess it’s not too bad…but if you chance to pull in others into the loop—forbidden!

How bad, do you feel, is it to keep changing one’s decision every 5^th minute or so? Is that a disorder of sorts? Is it the kind of situation where one must seek medical help?

Do any of you suffer from this? If your answer is “no”, I guess I shall shortly make this world richer by one word: when a smart doctor puts my name for this syndrome! 😀

I can’t tell you how difficult it is for me to make a decision in life :D. I keep changing my decisions every now and then—I really do! No, I don’t do it because I think of possible consequences, become anxious and change it…I just do it as if it’s the most natural thing to do! I apparently have no qualms about it. And it never bothers me (yes, I do make sure I never cause anyone any trouble…I’m totally at home as long as I am happy about the ‘new’ (short-term though, it always will be) decision).

In the past one week, I’ve changed uncountable decisions, uncountable times!

An example: I decided to go home this weekend, booked a ticket from B’lore to Trivandrum, told my brother to book my return ticket…I even convinced my boss how absolutely important it is for me to be at home this weekend. Then I changed my mind! I convinced my parents why I can’t be at home this weekend. My brother cancelled the ticket. Then I changed my mind again. I went shopping for my parents, bought a whole lot of stuff (haven’t been home for 3 months now). Then I changed my mind again. I decided to courier all the gifts………………And well, after writing this much, I’ve now decided to go! All I have to do now is convince some damn person who’s already booked a ticket in one of those buses to cancel his/her trip (there’s no other way I’m going to get a return-ticket)!

My friends say it’s all due to my memory problem. They say I don’t actually “change my mind”, I just forget that I’d already “made up my mind”! 😛 I think that’s a very enlightening thought…and since it takes too much of an effort to ‘change’ yourself, I guess I shall remain so for the rest of my life.

P.S.: This post also intends to act as a warning to anyone who might tell me “But you said so that day!” 😀 I have a mind which has a mind of its own! 😀