A post a day keeps the block away…

…but if the block lasts too long, better throw the blog block away! 😀

I have forgotten to write; people think I’ve died; and Google and Technocrati doesn’t throw up show my ‘alphabets’ any longer.

Disgusting state of affairs. Really.

All these days, I convinced myself that I’m overworked and can’t really spare anytime for blogging. I was just fooling myself, I guess. I realise that every blogger who’s consistent and active, is not sitting at home full time 😉

But well. Never having even washed a plate at home, managing a whole house by myself (even with a hell lotta help from Suraj) is definitely stressing me out. I kept telling myself that it’s a phase in life, which’ll pass.

What almost passed away was ME! 😀 I have been sick in bed for 2 weeks now — with a broken back! Thank God, my job profile allows me to work from home — else, we’d have ended up financially broke as well.Anyway, in this 2-week running is when I realised that even though I’d been sitting at home, I haven’t been blogging. Disgusting, really!

So well, bad back or block, I decided that blogging shouldn’t be affected. Am sure all the bloggers who used to read me have forgotten my existence by now.

Hope to hang in here for more than a week at a stretch. Then I’m sure I’ll come back to blogging full-time!

In the meantime, I hope to be alive in this crazy city (for me to be blogging everyday!). I pray that random people don’t burst into my house and stab me to death (if they try looting me, they’ll probably stab me 10 more times; Attention, thieves: there’s no money/gold here!); I pray that we don’t get waylaid on empty roads and robbed of our bike (which is almost falling apart now); I pray that Hindu activists who protest against everything ‘non-hindu’ don’t protest against my existence; I pray that those find-whatever-excuse-you-can-to-beat-up-people types don’t catch me in a jeans and beat me up; I pray that I’ll be fortunate to leave Bangalore soon, while life and sanity are still there in me 😉

The only good that’s come out of the-latest-violence-in-Bangalore is that I don’t lose my arguments anymore. Every argument that I usually have with Suraj always ends up in some consensus or the other. The only one that never does — which is better: Bangalore or Bombay? He’s always for the former; me, the latter. And the last point always was “Bombay’s too dangerous.” Now that topic is dormant. Period.

P.S.: My blog crossed 10,000 hits! I’m surprised, happy, ecstatic! Thanks a lot, all you people, for making that happen! Since I hadn’t been active, I’m sure a lot of optimistic people kept visiting, hoping I’d write something 😀 . Sorry for having let you down; hope never to do that again 😉

P.S. of P.S.: Thanks a ton, Harsh and Sahaja, for considering me worthy of the “Cute’s Blogger Award” and “Lovely Blogger Award”. It meant a lot! Thanks again!

Bored? Then Rock on !

Hehe…no, this is not the review — because I haven’t seen it. Yet.

Disclaimer: Whatever follows are my views only and is not intended to hurt anyone, so please do not take offence. This is meant to be a ‘funny’ post. If it doesn’t make you laugh, I shall hone my humour skills. But if it makes you angry, please calm down, take a deep breath and close the tab/window 😀 )

I was in one of those brain-blocked moods, with nothing to do. I was blog-hopping, trying to land up on something really interesting. Well, I guess the best bloggers are already on my roll 😉 😛 ! Either that, or I was too dumb to understand what was written in all these new ones I hopped into. 😀

I was fighting against boredom, crawling up the slope of irritation and frustration (one followed by the other) and finally saw my latest, favourite hobby loom up ahead — and I promptly started cursing Christianity. 😀 😀 (1st round was for Hinduism; am done with it! 😛 )

I’ve been caught up in this great urge for blasphemy recently! I’ve been having sessions with a Christian lady who is trying to teach me Christianity. It’s a recent mishap. I got into it voluntarily, now am striking a delicate balance… to resist being pulled in and avoid being pulled out 😀 Though I find the religion, the faith very nice (and a lot too similar to Hinduism), I despise the Church and the priests for skewing it up! And in the process, though a part of me likes the faith quite a lot, a bigger part absolutely despises the Church (read as preachers)! 😀 And well, ahem, I’m fed up of these classes and am in hiding now. 😀 I do not attend her calls and am pretending to be out-of-town (forever)! 😉

Meanwhile, relatives and friends who know of this recent religious awakening of mine, are trying to convince me why Hinduism is superior to any other faith. How we are more tolerant. How they are violent and murderous. And I’m delving deeper and deeper into blasphemy! 😛 (Any Muslims who wanna preach and send me deeper down ?) 😀

“Priya! Don’t talk like that. Blasphemy will get you nowhere. You’ll be a sinner. You will not be one with God. You’ll not attain salvation.” (Gist of what the Christian lady tells me!) 😐

“Priya! Don’t talk like that. Christians and Muslims are totally different. They’ll do everything to pull you into their faith. We are a different class of people. We are tolerant. We accept. We are open minded. They are not.” (Gist of what my relatives and friends keep telling me.) 😐

I am not an atheist, in the true sense of that word. But I do not believe in “Gods” who have form, body and sound. I can never fathom a God who walks down in a king’s attire wearing necklaces and bangles and anklets and earrings and a crown (some dress sense, I must say! 😛 ). I cannot fathom a God who drapes himself in a white cloak, has a long white beard and speaks unto humans in a booming voice from the skies…or in His Son who can walk on water and perform miracles, but cannot realise He’s being plotted against and then dies a painful death! (Love and forgiveness? Crap!) In this wide, wide (er er…round) world, I really cannot fathom a God who makes devotees go sit somewhere at about 80 km from the Red Sea Coast! (If God is powerful and omni-present, why not bless them at their houses?!) 😐

“Bah!”, I think, “God! Divinity! Rubbish! What I need now, is to watch Rock-on! I’v been bombarded by raving reviews of the movie from all over the country!”

And then my phone rang…

It’s a number that’s foreign to me. Must be the Christian lady calling, from another number, to check if I’m out-of-town in Trivandrum 😀 !

In a voice that I’ve never heard myself speak before, I say:

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is xxxxxx, calling from Radio Mirchi. Your number was selected at random from

a list of previous callers. You’ve won two tickets for Rock On! Would you be interested?”

“Huh? Yes…yea…yes, of course. :D”

“Come to our office anytime before Saturday. It’s for the Saturday show!”

“Wow, thanks!”

“Bye…and keep listening to Radio Mirchi. Sangathi hot aanu!” (That’s their “It’s hot!” tagline in Malayalam.)

Divine intervention? A reminder of divine existence? God’s awareness programme?

I slowly let my phone fall on my lap…and felt that wicked smile at the corners of my lips. And I said to myself: “Priya! Blasphemy will take you to the theatre, if not anywhere else!” 😀

P.S.:Thank you, Radio Mirchi!

P.S.: Uh…uh…thank you, “God”! 😉

P.S. of P.S.: There was no “list of previous callers” and “random picking of numbers” 😀 The RJ who called up is a verrrrry close friend. I’d been bugging her for tickets for quite some time. She just happened to call at an apt time 😀 .

Image courtesy: cartoonstock.com, google-images

Finally, I saw GOD…

Yes!! I finally saw GOD. When GOD crashed down into my room and right on to my bed (from which GOD toppled over and crashed on to the floor again), GOD gave me such a scare! I was rather rude to GOD (excuse me for using ‘GOD’ all the time: I’m not quite sure if it’s a he or a she—GOD’s not even human-like, for that matter—floating around, not touching the bed, but making lil’ folds on the sheet…)

Hmmm, so as I was saying, I was rather rude to GOD because I had no idea who/what ‘it’ was…and in much irritation I said “Oh God, what the hell?”. And GOD didn’t react. GOD just stared at me (awed at my vocabulary, GOD said)! That was it! In my irritation, I didn’t even notice the floating body (the only reason I wasn’t scared to death)…and that awesome, soothing voice failed to console me.

Then GOD said “Ennodu kshamikkanam…oru valya ocha kettaa veenathu.” That’s Malayalam for “Please forgive me. I got scared by a really loud sound…and that’s how I fell down.” (Yes, GOD is a multi-linguist.) Then GOD went on to tell me that GOD was passing above my roof when a blaring sound from a funnel-shaped thing screamed out something—and GOD was caught off-guard, lost balance and crashed down. The funnel-shaped thing, I found out in due course, happened to be a loudspeaker attached to the pillar of the mosque near my house!

Apparently, GOD comes floating down once a while to see how things are going on on this earth…and trust me, the expression on GOD’s face when GOD told me this wasn’t all that great!

GOD went on to say GOD was happily watching beautifully-lit small trees, with stars in front of most houses the last time GOD came down to Earth (sometime late in the year, GOD said) when suddenly at the stroke of one midnight, everyone rushed into a place called “Church” and started bending down and murmuring things, looking up at another carved, human figure! Yes, GOD admitted GOD was shocked. “What’s happening to all you humans?”, GOD asked.

Before I could even answer GOD’s doubts and questions, (I’m even thinking GOD is dumb; isn’t GOD supposed to know everything? Who’s GOD trying to fool here anyways?? aha!) well, GOD goes on…GOD says GOD sees people pushing and shoving each other in this place adorned with lit lamps, floral garlands and the smell of something nice all around (I gave him an incense stick for reference, and GOD nodded; Ok, so GOD is talking about a temple!!)—what surprises GOD most is a small carved human-shaped (again!!) stone being washed with water (sometimes even with ghee and milk!) and then adorned with a cream-coloured paste (sandal, yes) and covered again with more flowers!

GOD said GOD had also witnessed people killing animals at these places (GOD uses the phrase ‘flower-garland place’), pouring money into small boxes, rolling around the entire flower-garland place—on the stone floor, that too—fasting day-in, day-out, walking around with spears right through their tongues and cheeks, walking all the way up through thorn-adorned mountains…and at the end of all this, they bow before a small carved human-shape!

GOD finds it preposterous that humans form groups and fight with each other, calling out words like (GOD apparently keeps hearings these) Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Sikh, Jesus, Vishnu, Allah, Koran, Bible…and then a lot of them fall dead before the fight is over… GOD didn’t even finish saying the word ‘bombs’…just shruddered!

GOD said “It’s unbelievable…preposterous! I know you are too young to answer my queries, Priya (yes, we got intro-ed to each other and shook hands a while ago) but I really don’t understand what all these things are…why do people keep bowing and praying before human figures? Do they not think of me anymore? Have humans become more powerful than me? For the record, I keep hearing and seeing you use the word ‘GOD’…that’s why I chose to fall through this particular roof… and well, it’s about time I left…I hear another person saying “GOD”. You know, it’s easy to hear that—while everyone’s screaming Jesus, Allah and Vishnu, a one-in-a-million “GOD” is very audible”.

When we complain that our prayers are never answered…well, now you know why! When we say “How many poojas I did…what was the use?” well, now you know why! When you say “How many candles I lit…what was the use?” well, now you know why! When we despair that “All that namaz yielded nothing…” well, now you know why!

Poor GOD thinks we are all praying to some super-powerful human!!! We think GOD looks like us… But GOD doesn’t look like us…no similarities at all…GOD stares for hours together at an idol of Jesus or Vishnu (or the zillion other Hindu idols) or the view (even if imaginary) of Mecca, and GOD is absolutely clueless! All GOD knows is that GOD is never called on… The poor thing is even a bit in despair that we have all taken to human super-powers and are devoted to them!

Now we know…or do we? Will we ever know at all?

P.S.: And now I know why GOD didn’t react when I said “Oh God, what the hell?” (when GOD initially crashed in). I know why GOD didn’t correct me as “What a contradictory statement” or “Did you mean to say ‘Oh God, what the heaven?’ and all those smart remarks…’coz GOD does not even know what heaven or hell is!