Day 20: The voice of my subconscious

When I wrote this post yesterday, I had a lot of questions kicking up a mini-storm in my head, derailing my otherwise logical thought process. When Varsh commented that if only we knew all the answers, life would be much less complicated, I told her travel was the answer to everything, especially if to somewhere in the Himalayan region 😉

Which is true, of course. But, when you are not all set for travel, there is another source for answers to these kinds of questions! And, that’s in Hobbes. If you follow Calvin and Hobbes, you’re probably nodding your head right now. Haven’t you wondered how Calvin always asks these philosophical, highly intriguing and seemingly rhetorical questions, only to have Hobbes respond with the simplest answers? Little surprise then, that the answer is in yourself 🙂 In the rare chance that you actually get it from another person altogether, then be assured that person is, in essence, your subconscious!

Anyway, after I posted this yesterday, I got well told off by my subconscious, who then sat me down and took those questions one by one.

Here are enlightenments from my subconscious (up for debate, though not for agreement, because my subconscious is mine own and might think and perform differently from yours for good measure)…

Q: Reflections, when ugly, are never the mirror’s fault. It is the fault of the “object” and the “light” that reflects off it at a bad angle. But you do need the mirror to show that to you. Unless you choose to never look in the mirror. Is that wise, though?
A: Not at all. Though, if in your search for ugly reflections, you’re missing out on the beautiful ones, then you’re defeating the whole purpose of reflections and probably should stop it right away! Or, look for the beautiful ones instead and see how they weigh against the ugly ones. Whatever you do, make sure the outcome is a good one. Else, don’t attempt it. It gives you no returns in the long run.

Q: Looking back at the past and drawing lines to the present…is that a good thing to do? Does reflecting on the past and regretting not acting on a certain intuition then…make it sensible to consider that decision now?
A: Yes, it is a great thing to do to help you spot potholes from afar and steer away from them. But unless the people, situations and feeling are the exact same now as they were then, that decision from then is irrelevant in the now. It’s got to be a fresh, well thought out one that will consider and help you brace against impact from all angles.

Q: Are intuitions any good, or is it just a fancy term for a comparison at different levels? Are they just bad feelings to brush off with Hope and Faith, or are they things needing serious thought?
A: Intuitions are good, to be listened to. They’re not fancy or to be brushed off at any time. Please, always listen. Never walk into something you have doubts about. If you’re not convinced, don’t do it.

Q: How much, what kind and when is it OK to forgive? If you cannot forget, what’s the point in forgiving, when memory serves to rekindle the same feelings many times over? How genuine, then, is that forgiveness…and how fruitful?
A: If it didn’t include physical abuse/violence and deliberate false accusations/character assassination, the rest could be considered forgivable. This is a matter of personal choice, of course. But broadly, if it is in someone’s character to accept fault and be corrected, then they deserve that chance at forgiveness. But, just one chance. It’s good to not forget, because if life slaps you in the face again, you know what and how you survived previously. It makes you stronger, wiser. Forgetting something is not in anyone’s immediate control, but the forgiveness can be truly genuine if it is from the heart, with no unhealthy intentions…and highly fruitful in salvaging a lot that matters in life.

Q: How can you weigh the unknown repercussions of your decisions against your future happiness? What if your intuition fails you and you don’t take what could have been the best decision of your life?
A: Everyone knows the answer to this 🙄 It’s the future we’re talking about! Don’t, and you can’t, plan it.

Q: How trustworthy can today’s promises be, when tomorrow is a whole new day?
A: Go ahead and trust – it will do you good. It does make you vulnerable, yes, but not if you’re in the right hands. So, before you call on your heart and trust someone (again), call on your mind and make that smart assessment of whose promises will be kept and whose will not. But please, do trust. For people cannot rip open their hearts and show you that they mean it – they can only tell you and hope for your trust.

Q: Does anyone know how the scalded cat, that feared even cold water, finally got over its fear? Is fear a good reason to not believe?
A: Well, this is a secret of my species; I’m not really allowed to divulge it to your kind. But for you, and only for you, I shall. We just got thirsty. Think about it…if we relied on fear as a good reason to believe that water (in all forms) was going to burn us, we’d have all died of thirst and become extinct. So, no – fear is never a good reason to not believe; fact is.

Q: In an attempt to stay positive, is it wise to brush the unknown, unexpected and unhappy under the carpet?
A: No. Well, the unknown and unexpected are not in your control. The unhappy, however, is. Goes a little back to the first question, really. But if the attempt to stay positive is supported by fact, faith, trust and hope, then maybe (just maybe) brush it under for now. Because, there will always be an opportunity to lift that carpet and clean it up for good.

Q: How late is too late?
A: It’s never too late, for anything. No decision you take is the final decision of your life, unless it is to take your life itself. Which I, as your subconscious, will never let you do: because your life is mine too…and I am, because you are.

If there is one thing I’m grateful for in life, it is my subconscious 🙂 What would I do without you!?

Day 19: Reflections…

…when ugly, are never the mirror’s fault. It is the fault of the “object” and the “light” that reflects off it at a bad angle. But you do need the mirror to show that to you. Unless you choose to never look in the mirror. Is that wise, though?

Looking back at the past and drawing lines to the present…is that a good thing to do? Does reflecting on the past and regretting not acting on a certain intuition then…make it sensible to consider that decision now?

Are intuitions any good, or is it just a fancy term for a comparison at different levels? Are they just bad feelings to brush off with Hope and Faith, or are they things needing serious thought?

How much, what kind and when is it OK to forgive? If you cannot forget, what’s the point in forgiving, when memory serves to rekindle the same feelings many times over? How genuine, then, is that forgiveness…and how fruitful?

How can you weigh the unknown repercussions of your decisions against your future happiness? What if your intuition fails you and you don’t take what could have been the best decision of your life?

How trustworthy can promises be, when tomorrow is a whole new day?

Does anyone know how the scalded cat, that feared even cold water, finally got over its fear? Is fear a good reason to not believe?

In an attempt to stay positive, is it wise to brush the unknown, unexpected and unhappy under the carpet?

How late is too late?

A post a day keeps the block away…

…but if the block lasts too long, better throw the blog block away! 😀

I have forgotten to write; people think I’ve died; and Google and Technocrati doesn’t throw up show my ‘alphabets’ any longer.

Disgusting state of affairs. Really.

All these days, I convinced myself that I’m overworked and can’t really spare anytime for blogging. I was just fooling myself, I guess. I realise that every blogger who’s consistent and active, is not sitting at home full time 😉

But well. Never having even washed a plate at home, managing a whole house by myself (even with a hell lotta help from Suraj) is definitely stressing me out. I kept telling myself that it’s a phase in life, which’ll pass.

What almost passed away was ME! 😀 I have been sick in bed for 2 weeks now — with a broken back! Thank God, my job profile allows me to work from home — else, we’d have ended up financially broke as well.Anyway, in this 2-week running is when I realised that even though I’d been sitting at home, I haven’t been blogging. Disgusting, really!

So well, bad back or block, I decided that blogging shouldn’t be affected. Am sure all the bloggers who used to read me have forgotten my existence by now.

Hope to hang in here for more than a week at a stretch. Then I’m sure I’ll come back to blogging full-time!

In the meantime, I hope to be alive in this crazy city (for me to be blogging everyday!). I pray that random people don’t burst into my house and stab me to death (if they try looting me, they’ll probably stab me 10 more times; Attention, thieves: there’s no money/gold here!); I pray that we don’t get waylaid on empty roads and robbed of our bike (which is almost falling apart now); I pray that Hindu activists who protest against everything ‘non-hindu’ don’t protest against my existence; I pray that those find-whatever-excuse-you-can-to-beat-up-people types don’t catch me in a jeans and beat me up; I pray that I’ll be fortunate to leave Bangalore soon, while life and sanity are still there in me 😉

The only good that’s come out of the-latest-violence-in-Bangalore is that I don’t lose my arguments anymore. Every argument that I usually have with Suraj always ends up in some consensus or the other. The only one that never does — which is better: Bangalore or Bombay? He’s always for the former; me, the latter. And the last point always was “Bombay’s too dangerous.” Now that topic is dormant. Period.

P.S.: My blog crossed 10,000 hits! I’m surprised, happy, ecstatic! Thanks a lot, all you people, for making that happen! Since I hadn’t been active, I’m sure a lot of optimistic people kept visiting, hoping I’d write something 😀 . Sorry for having let you down; hope never to do that again 😉

P.S. of P.S.: Thanks a ton, Harsh and Sahaja, for considering me worthy of the “Cute’s Blogger Award” and “Lovely Blogger Award”. It meant a lot! Thanks again!

Illiteracy has literacy in it !

Disclaimer: This is no longer the Booker-winning material I’d promised 😀 😀 😀 This post is just random ramblings of mine, after I lost faith in KSEB (Kerala State Electricity Board), my computer, my mind and my memory. 😀 This has been typed in less than 10 minutes. Saved before I log off / power goes off. Published before reading it even once, before checking for literary quality.

Title inspired by Suda’s post here. 😉 Post inspired by my recent book-shopping experience! 😀

The plan had been on for almost 3 days. The first day, my friend ditched. The second day, my memory ditched. The third day, gmail ditched! 😀 (kept chatting and didn’t notice the time). Finally, I decided to get the mission accomplished, come rain or hail. Well, came rain! 😀 (Thank God dad let me take the car…er er…go with my bro in the car, I mean…I drive only in race courses 😀

Walked into Book Store 1 with a lot of joy…and stopped short when the door closed behind me! Have you people ever strolled into a room in the most casual way, expecting it to be deserted — only to find it milling with a lot of people? Well, something of the sort happened — only, it was the other way round! 😀 After squeezing my way through the eternally crowded Crosswords and Landmarks of Mumbai, Chennai and Bangalore, entering a book store and finding it totally empty was like a punch on my face! Hehe…there was just me in there! And oh yes, the shopkeeper too! 😐

After getting over the shock (and the shocked expression of the surprised shopkeeper 😀 ), I went towards the first row of books…I had to find Namesake, and get it couriered asap to a friend! So I decided not to spend too much time browsing and ask the shopkeeper instead…and well, the poor guy also must be quite bored, considering the crowd in that place! 😀 My conversation with the shopkeeper (Sk) that followed:

Me (smiling): Hi…do you have this book called Namesake ?

Sk (blank stare, then enlightened smile): Aah, yes… (comes out from behind the counter)…Ummmm…Baby’s Day, right?

Me: What?! No no…Namesake (wondering if there is a book called Baby’s Day at all)

Sk (walking around 2 shelves): Mmmm…aha…uh uh…what’s the name of the book again?

Me (trying to be polite and helpful): Name. Sake. Namesake. Remember? It was made into a movie and all…with Tabu in it…

Sk: Who’s book is it? Author’s name?

Me (rolling eyes): Jhumpa Lahiri…Indian author.

Sk: Hehe…no lady…I’m asking for the author’s name!

Me (at the height of sarcasm): Ente ponnu maashe… ithrem budhimuttipichathil njaan athiyaayi khedikkunnu… thaangal avide poyi irunnolu tto… njaan thannathaane kandupidicholaam… please… onnu pokuo? (read as “Get lost, you duffer!”) 😀

I never found the book. I asked for 5 other books. He had heard of none. And it’s considered one of the best book stores here! “It’s out-of-stock”, he said sometime later. (Bah! He doesn’t even know which book he’s talking about!) 😐

Book Store 2 —

Me (smiling): Hi…do you have this book called Namesake ?

Sk (blank stare): What? Who is the author?

Me (pissed already; rolling eyes): Jhumpa Lahiri…

Sk: Enthu? Aaru?? Thelichu para koche!

Me (in my mind): Thelichu parayaan sowkaryamilledo… panna ma… ma… allenki athuvenda… mathanga thalaya ! 😀 😀

I walked out!

Book Store 3 —

Me (with a grim face and no patience): Excuse me, there’s this Indian author called Jhumpa Lahiri…I’m looking for…”

Sk: Namesake ? I’m sorry, it’s sold out. We’ve ordered new stock, though! We do have her latest, Unaccustomed Earth. Would you like to buy that?

Me (highly impressed and satisfied; wouldn’t have cared if I died that instant): Oh! Yes, please! Thank you! 🙂

I bought it though I didn’t want it!

They say Kerala is the most literate state in India — with a whopping 90+% literacy and all that…well, from what I see, literacy stops at being able to write, count and read basic stuff! There was an article I read recently which said those Keralites who were once honoured for attaining literacy now hardly knows how to write their very names! It spoke of this lady who was honoured high up on the stage before a thumping crowd of one lakh people and became an instant celebrity 11 years ago as a neo-literate. She now represents the nearly 12 lakh people who have lapsed back to illiteracy — and has trouble writing “Kerala” in Malayalam! Height of irony, I say!

Why blame poor Sk for not knowing ‘Namesake’ ? (I was frustrated that a book store owner doesn’t know the books’ and authors’ names. The poor thing’s out-of-touch with the literary world that does not exist anymore in the country’s most literate* state!) No one reads anything any more! From what I see, libraries will soon become burial grounds for the dying books in it! Book stores will close down and these spaces would be taken up for political party meetings and dharnas 😀

Dharnas and march pasts every other day! Hartal — a new right and a colossal decree that brings cities to standstill — the right of every citizen, the hatchet of every party. Active strikes that house itself in front of the state capital’s Secratariat for days together…students who throw their colleges/education to the devil and risk their lives for the various Student’s Party(s) that take birth everyday. There is no hope for Kerala…except for one —

The only hope Keralites can now have for this naturally beautiful place’s salvation is to leave it alone and go off to Bangalore like I did… (er er…I meant leave the State and go elsewhere! ) 😀

Kerala — God’s own country. Yet, God is on vacation elsewhere, playing with ‘yo-yo’s 😀

*About literacy, on 19 January 2007, DNA reported that “Kerala still rules”. Wikipedia says “Mizoram has topped the list with 91.1 % literacy. Kerala comes a close second with 90.8% literacy rate.” (This wiki-page was last updated on 10 August 2008…so couldn’t be too old an article. If it’s wrong information, please blame Wiki (and anyone who knows the correct figures, please update! 😀 )

Image coutesy: fotolia.com

good? bad? good? bad? i do not know…

There’s nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

So says Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Well, how more true can this be ?

There are certain people who enter your life unannounced, uninvited, yet becomes an integral part of your life. They become so much a part of your daily life that after a point, you don’t even realise what they do for you and what they don’t…you start taking them for granted…sometimes you like them; sometimes you hate; sometimes you look for them; sometimes you hide; sometimes you listen to them; sometimes you walk away…

I have one such person to talk about…

This person was not my type at all…I never thought I’d become friends with this person. But well, you can never chart out your life, can you? This person and I became friends. And being in a new city for good measure, I found much help in this person. A symbol of purity at heart, this person is very endearing to all who surround. Extremely selfless, this person would cross desert and sea to be with a person in need. Though this person would always be with everyone, wishing them good, people end up hurting this person a lot…leaving this person to wonder why good never begets good, at least, in this person’s life.

For me, this person has been a huge support and help for as long as I can remember. We have had our fights and misunderstandings, joys and happy hours….but this person, unlike me, was always unflinching in defining the meaning of friendship. I have no words that will justifiably thank this person for all that this person did for me.

This person has a heart that forgives; love is all this person ever needs and expects. This person always strives to see goodness in others…and tries to conquer people with love. Even to people who have conspired against this person, this person returns it all manifold in a lot of loving gestures and favours. This person, I would hence conclude by saying, is unique…one in a million!

But…like I mentioned earlier, this person was not my type at all…and well, maybe not all man is perfect! This person is an extremist, in a good sense, though. For this person, everything is sacred–relationships are meant to be forever! Being an independent, free person, I found myself wanting the famous “space” in my life. But this person would always be there with a piece of good advice, a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. And when perspectives of two people are different, everything one does would seem weird to the other…and well, though there’s nothing good or bad, thinking ALWAYS makes it so… and trouble creeps in…distance separates people…difference of opinions manifest themselves as irritation, anger…one loses the ones they once liked…but sometimes, one doesn’t care…that’s what happened to us too…

This person is not in my life any more. And I am neither glad nor sad that it ended this way. We probably never deserved each other. I hope we never cross paths again. May this scissors mark the end of what we mean to the other. Goodbye!!!

image courtesy: fotolia / sxc