Day 9: Digital Secret Service: The Start-Up No One Ever Told You Of

This has been some year!

Today, all the world was shaken up when Donald Trump became POTUS elect. And if that wasn’t shocking enough, I was further stunned at his speech. President Trump was so not the Candidate Trump. He was saying all the right things. He was actually displaying the ability to use logic, morality, brains and empathy; and he was rather magnanimous in his remarks about his rival, at whom he’d been spewing poison till just a few hours ago.

Yesterday, all of India was shaken up by our Prime Minister’s address to the nation, declaring the end of days for India’s 1000 and 500 currency denominations. It was a radical move, the likes of which have never been seen before. For me, it took quite a while for the news to sink in. I could not believe that it was actually happening! In a country where decisions of graver proportions and expected results are normally discussed, agreed upon, discarded and then brought back to life again — a cycle that would go on for eons before reaching finalty — something like this hit us all out of the blue. And it was absolute reality.

In June 2016, most of the world watched in surprise and shock as the people of Britain voted for a British exit, or Brexit, from the EU in a historic referendum.

And well, in March 2016, I moved to Kuwait. I was shocked and surprised I actually did that. That’s a whole other post. 😛

Now, a lot of what’s BIG NEWS are expected; it’s usually a matter of time before it becomes a reality. But even then, the moment that it does happen is usually a surprise and shock (for the ones we hope for seldom happen and the ones we expect to happen usually never happens when it should)!

They’re super secretive. They pop out of the blue. They take your life by storm. They leave you stunned, sometimes excited, sometimes in despair. No one knows about these things.

Except the small team at the Digital Secret Service, a start-up no one knows of yet. Do you know them? Have you ever heard of them before? Ever come across their name or vision or mission or website or ad or anything at all, ever? Do you have any idea about their team size, skills, demographics?

No? Well, neither have I. But I’m sure they exist. I’m convinced there is a team somewhere in this world, who knows of every secret in the world well in advance of it becoming public news. A bunch of highly creative, artistic, digital savvy, versatile, sarcastic (bordering on humorous) and completely jobless people. And their expertise is in preparing and waiting to irresponsibly blast out a multitude of (sometimes rather well-designed / well thought out and elaborately written) jokes, memes, sarcasm-laced quotes, cartoons and all kinds of “easily forwardable” troll-content that take the social media by storm.

Nothing else explains how we received elaborate image- and text jokes about the demonetisation of the 500 and 1000 currency notes yesterday. Even as the PM was addressing the nation, I’d received a dozen of them 😛 Same story today, as Trump was winning, and subsequently won.

So jobless, I tell you. So so so so sooooooo jobless! The only thirst they have in life is for “something out of the norm” (intent, flavour and outcomes irrelevant) to happen each day, to push out their magic creations and flood the world of mobile devices.

Yes, some of those are funny, but a lot are in RATHER poor taste. In any case, no considering your work quality, where do you people find all this time!?

if they had a life…

D

am as bored and lazy as this bored and lazy doggie here 😀

I’m so lazy these days, I’m wondering if I’ll ever ever be able to ‘work’ again….I think my career has gone for a six already 😀 😀 😀 (I’m due back in office in a couple of months’ time…but I’m not sure any more that’ll be an intelligent thing for my boss to do! 😛 )

Boredom and laziness can always work towards giving you weird ideas and crappy imagination. And it’s wonders had started working one me. Anyway, I was so out-of-mood and bored that I began telling myself “Have a life, Priya! Go out with friends, shop, read something, do some work…don’t just sit there like a lifeless chair (now, since when have there been chairs with life?)“, when I started wondering what all other lifeless stuff would do if they ‘had their lives’ 😀 😀 😀

Well, in my limited imagination and perspective, the hitherto ‘lifeless’ stuff around me would probably behave in the following ways: (I am sure they won’t approve of my perspective and will have better things to do. My bed would probably prefer walking around the house aimlessly and plopping on me every once in a while 😀 )

Yea, to begin with, the bed! I’m sure it’d love to turn upside down and lie on me with all its weight if it had a choice. I’m sure the cot would be extremely touchy, walk over to the nearby shop for ‘Super Glue’ and stick itself to the floor! 😐

The table in my room would probably put up a board “Do not litter me, use the waste bin instead!”, and the waste bin would feel bored and neglected (unless the table and the bin gets into a deal!) Am sure I give them enough opportunity for a decent barter system. 😀

My cupboard would sue me for choking it (even in its present lifeless state, it throws up throws out every single clothing of mine every time I yank the doors open. The cupboard doors, am sure, will have high blood pressure (holding the weight of all my clothes when its closed 😀 )

The bathroom would be the only happy ‘person’, I guess. I’m a pretty good singer and am always in full-throated musical extravaganza every time I enter in there (even now, it supports me with a lot of echo 😀 )…and well, not to mention the opportunity of seeing me naked, countless no. of times 😀 😀 😀 . But the washbasin would be a perpetual pneumonia patient (and suffer from high degrees of humiliation 😀 ). I refrain myself from thinking aloud of the EC’s (european closet) feelings! 😀 😀 😛

My toothbrush will probably think I’m a skunk of sorts 😀 . My comb would die of overwork. My handbag would probably wish it were born as a waste bin and do the same job it does now, but with dignity!

The PC would constantly swear at me in digital languages (!!) and sent out sparks (its way of kicking, since it has no legs 😀 ) The mouse, am sure, will wish there was a cat around and could attain salvation! Combined, the whole system would curse me for leaving the stinking deadbody of my UPS unburied for such a long time (read as years) 😀

My phone…ah! Its reactions and feelings, I got no clue about. For all the injustice I do to it (frequently dropping it; spraying it with water; almost-killing-it-by-leaving-it-chargeless for too long; leaving it around, making it scream for me endlessly when someone calls; and sitting on it now and then), I’m sure my phone will send out SMSs that say “save me from this moron(ess)” to my friends’ phones !

The TV would probably feel giddy at all times from too much channel switching…and would lose its mental stability (making it two maniacs in one house 😀 ).

My house will move out of town! 😀

…am not even getting to what these ‘lifeless stuffs’ would do in vengeance 😀 😀 If you ask me, I’m sure my bed would love to bulge its belly and burp out loud, throwing me off it! And the cot would probably grab me by my leg and swing me this way and that! The dirtiest (pun intended) vengeance would be of the EC :D:D . I shudder to think of it! 😀 😀 😛

Now, what do you think stuff in your house/office would do to you?