Day 10: My greatest support system

What we come to call as “support system” usually are parents, siblings, relatives and the friends you categorise as “best friends”. They’re the ones you can fall back on, without having to feel bad about doing so, knowing full well you’ll be taken care of, even though it is not an entitlement. Only, you sometimes end up taking that for granted. If not the people, then at least the fact that there WILL be a support system.

Until you move out of all your familiarities and face a whole new world.

There is this girl who was my classmate during post-graduation. We were a pretty close-knit class of just 15 students. She was one of the sweetest in the class. She had none of the recklessness I had in me; she had none of the popularity, the stupefying clownness, the annoying self-righteousness, the frustrating over-confidence or the plain damsel-in-distressness that the rest of her classmates had. She was a simple, Mamma’s girl. She did not bunk classes, she did not do anything she feared her parents wouldn’t be proud of, she did not even hate the person who made her everyday life a living hell 😛 I hated that person on her behalf 😛 She was just a very sweet, happy person. I would always remember her as someone who vowed not to get married, but would adopt a girl child because she was fabulous with kids.

But I wouldn’t say she was in my best friend category at that time. Her constant company made it rather difficult for me to figure out how much I could like her 😛 After college life came to an end and we all went our separate lives, though, she and I became much closer. She got married, had a baby girl — and every once in a while, we used to have video chats, where I gurgled to the baby in her own unspoken language. We were pretty pretty close.

And then, I went into hibernation. For about 3-4 years. Our conversations became thrice in a year; once for her birthday, once for mine, and once for Christmas / New Year 😛

When I moved to Kuwait in March 2016, a lot of people assumed I have half my family here (you know all those jokes about half of every Malayali lives in the “Gelf”). I therefore drew a lot of surprise when I said I don’t have anyone in Kuwait. No relatives? Not even friends? Are you sure you’ll be OK there?

Well, I did have friends. I had, 2-3 months prior to relocating, figured out that this girl was in Kuwait (and all the while, I’d been thinking she was in Bahrain, don’t ask me why!) with her husband and daughter. I knew I didn’t want to be a burden for her, especially not after having been in hibernation for so long. And, I’d lost touch in those 4 years.

Or so I thought. I was wrong. She turned out to be my biggest support system ever. 

I cannot imagine the past 7 months in this country, if she hadn’t been here. She took me into her life and home (literally) and we re-connected like there had been never a day that went by without us talking.

I crashed on her couch for almost 15 days, shamelessly making her cook for me (in return I washed the dishes, something I’d never do given a choice :P) in the morning and night. I would put all my clothes into her washing machine and go off to work. In the evening, I walked back to see them all out drying on the clothes stand. She and her husband voluntarily took it up on themselves to help me find a place of my own, took me shopping, told me exactly what and what not to buy from where. We sat up till 12 most nights, reminiscing college and friends and our separate lives and laughing our eyes out. How her husband tolerated the incessant laughter without arranging to have me deported, still beats me 😛

Even now, after all this time, I know I can walk in anytime and not feel like a guest. I still take my laundry to her place and get it done (each time praying her husband won’t kick me out :P) When I get a pizza craving and don’t want to eat alone, I know she’ll tell her husband “She is craving pizzas. Let’s go get some!” 😀 When I need company to buy plants, I know she is ready before I can say “pla”. And when I am depressed and want to bitch about the marabhootham, she is always available 😀 When I am extremely unwell, I know I have someone I won’t be a burden to. When I’m thoroughly bored, I know if I ping her to say that, she will say “Oh come over already” without missing a beat. And man, her humour timing and sense is always reason for a complete riot!

And the best of all — she bakes the most awesome cakes. And if that wasn’t enough, she recently attended a bread making class and now makes beautiful croissants and focasias and what nots. OK – I haven’t tasted them yet, but well, got to be awesome.

Well, cake or no cake, I’m super glad to have her for a friend. The kind of friend you know isn’t “just a friend”.

What would I do without you, Deepti!? Thank you for everything you do, for being you! 🙂

I miss you…

…so very much.

I wish I never let you go. I wish I’d held on to my selfishness and held on to you stronger. I also wish I had not got so attached to you. Well, you gave me no option, did you, but to love you so much, so deeply, so genuinely…you being you?

It is heart breaking to go home now. There is no one waiting for me, no hugs, no wet kisses, no show of emotions that lets me know that I’d been missed, and it’s great to have me home. There is nothing you left behind, for me to hold on to when I miss you like crazy; all I have now are some photographs of those happy days, which I go over every single day, remembering those precise moments, those days of pure joy—and love.

Everything I do now—right from when I wake up in the morning, to when I go to bed—I wonder what you’d have done if you were here…how you’d have reacted…how I may have done it differently, just for you…how much happier I’d have been, having you, knowing you’re there, every moment.

A full day at home is so unbelievably depressing. I have no one to talk to for hours together; no one to just sit with in silence and feel absolutely content; no one to take a walk with on a nice evening; no one to share my cookie with; no one to pester and generally have some fun with; no one to drive me mad and then make me laugh; no one to hug and cry my heart out when I’m depressed; no one to look at me calmly and let me know it’ll be OK; no one that is YOU.

Why, oh why, did I let you go? What was I thinking? I never knew anyone could bring such meaning into my life, mean so much to me, and then just drive off one morning breaking my heart into a million pieces…and leaving me to deal with a difficult life all by myself.

Please come back. I’m so in love with you, I can’t bear to not have you by my side. Can’t live without seeing you everyday…hugging you every moment I can, telling you how much I love you, and just how glad I am that I have you in my life. And right now, I really need you with me. Really, really. Come back…

Pumbaa, please come back. I miss you…so very much, Chakkare 😦

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Edited to add (after I realised people are worried about what happened to Pumbaa): He is totally fine, vacationing with my parents, in Trivandrum…and will be back only by end of March. Been over a month since he left 😦 😦 😦 And while we’re at it, I miss my parents too 😀

True friends are hard to come by!

It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart… Oh, that’s a song.  Not how I meant to start this. 😀

But well, it’s amazing alright. How the best of people always have the best of friends 😉 Like how Calvin has Hobbes; Asterix has Obelix; Tintin has Snowy; the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. have each other; and well, Boban has Moli. 😀

I think the best of the lot is Calvin and Hobbes.

And if I be Calvin, I’ve found my Hobbes 😉 [Or vice-versa, if my ‘Hobbes’ doesn’t like being a tiger 😀 *But for now, you’ll have to make do with being Hobbes. The other option would be to make you Richard Parker, who coincidentally is again a tiger. I think Hobbes is much cuter, nicer and definitely more fun to be with*]

I’m very, very, VERY choosy when it comes to friends—especially the kind that can be ‘Hobbes’. And this one was, well, totally unexpected. Someone I definitely did not see myself ever getting so close to or being such great friends with!

The time I first met Hobbes, I never thought we’d ever strike a chord. Hobbes seemed a very serious, withdrawn person. The kind that is so withdrawn, they barely look up at you when you’re being introduced to them and quickly nod before going back to their work. Uh uh…definitely not the kind who would be friends with someone goofy like me 😀 So well, I maintained a distance, and was always just courteous and polite.

I liked Hobbes, but that was about it. In the meantime, I also heard bits of conversation here and there of Hobbes being this serious person; people seemed to be quite scared of Hobbes, and I saw very few people being comfortable and carefree around Hobbes—cementing my impression of Hobbes as someone who could not easily be “friended”. Well, that impression lasted about a week.

Till I first heard Hobbes laugh. It was a loud, clear, right-from-the heart guffaw. Yes, a guffaw. You have to hear it to know what I mean 😀 Despite not knowing what the joke was or who it was shared with, I found myself looking up and smiling at Hobbes. Well, to be precise, at the back of Hobbes’ head! 😀 And that was when I figured Hobbes out: in an instant. And I liked Hobbes a lot more then 🙂

Only someone that’s completely genuine, sincere, adorable and so full of humour can ever laugh like that. Seriously. Laughter—especially the kind that emanated from Hobbes that day, and many, many times after that—is something that will give away a person’s character immediately: it can tell you who is fake, who is real 🙂 Hobbes was definitely very, very real! I figured I could be myself, goofy and well, just me. The only question was if Hobbes wanted that. Hehe.

You need to know the nuances of laughter to be able to figure people out 😀 When I shared that piece of insight once, Hobbes said “I refuse to laugh like that from now on!” 😀 Well, the damage was done already, my dear 😀 Hobbes once told me “Not everyone retorts to me the way you do. You picked my sense of humour too fast. And I’m not like this to everyone either. I appear serious, proud and very quiet. It’s a facade…kind of a protection that I put around myself.” Well, I’m glad I broke through the facade, and damaged your “aura” (which I still insist on never having noticed :P). I now have a friend for life—and an awesome one at that 😉

When I look back now, I still cannot believe Hobbes and I became friends. I would never have believed it if someone had told me then that Hobbes and I would become such friends someday. I would’ve scoffed, I suppose 😉 But well, we did become friends…though very, very, very gradually.

With Jaya, my best friend—an alter ego, maybe I should say—it took just about 5 minutes for us to bond and become friends for life. Was I not so choosy then, you ask? Well, is it tough to like yourself in 5 minutes? 😉 Anyway, I thought a friend as valuable as that would never come by a second time. I was wrong. I guess 2 really is a good number for me 🙂

Hobbes is perhaps one other person who is equally choosy about friends. I guess we have both had enough experiences that hold us back, make us take our time to fully understand another person before going from ‘just friends’ to ‘great friends’. And now, I can say without a moment’s hesitation that Hobbes is a “great” friend to have.

I’ve seen Hobbes in good times and bad—and I have immeasurable respect for the way Hobbes wades through it all.

Hobbes’ sense of humour and quick wit, for one. It can leave you laughing uncontrollably till you end up gasping for air at times…OR leave you so stunned, you wouldn’t know whether to laugh or just gawk. Spontaneity at its best. Certain conclusions and one-liners Hobbes comes up with are…well…bloody hilarious. Something you just do not expect from a person who appears “serious, proud and very quiet”.

There are times when Hobbes gets washed over by a wave of depression…and I pretend not to understand that and keep insisting that Hobbes smile at least “half a smile” 😀 *Hobbes, I really do understand when you’re in the dumps, but there is nothing I can do to help you at such times. Apart from telling you to smile! Apart from listening and saying “Hmmm”*

There are times when I am pissed off with something and I go crib to Hobbes—knowing very well that my problems are nothing compared to Hobbes’. But well, me being me, I still crib 😀 I could go on and on and on and on, and Hobbes would patiently listen. There would be nothing Hobbes will have to say, to help me, but listen Hobbes will. No questions asked, no judgements made. And all this, while I am just making a mountain out of a miniscule mole hill. 🙂

When it comes to a fault, Hobbes does not see if there’s friendship or enmity. If Hobbes has to blast, Hobbes will blast. Despite being such close friends, I’ve been blasted too (which surprised a few people because we were supposed to be ‘friends’; now who blasts friends, huh?). Well, I do. Hobbes does, too. What are friends for, if they can’t correct you when you’re wrong? If there’s credit to be given, Hobbes gives it generously—again, irrespective of friendship or enmity. I think that’s a fabulous quality: to be able to separate life from work 🙂

If you are a friend, Hobbes will perhaps die for you. Well, not literally, of course. But if you want Hobbes to do something for you, Hobbes will do it, despite perhaps not liking it at all. It always surprises me, because I would never do that! I’ve kidded about certain things, and Hobbes always agreed to do it, even after admitting it may not be the best thing to do. Maybe one should NOT be so fiercely loyal to friends. You never know how loyal your ‘friend’ is to you. *Note the point, Hobbes :)*

There are times when Hobbes deserves a kick—for judging people wrongly, for making the wrong ‘friends’, for trusting the wrong people (repeatedly, at that), for helping the ones who do not deserve to be helped…and in all this process, getting hurt. But well, can’t be helped…because Hobbes is Hobbes. I like that 🙂 *No matter what the other person is or does, you have to be you, Hobbes :)*.

Yes, now that I think about it, I really like that! People come and go, some even walk over Hobbes, leaving bruises…but the next time they need help, Hobbes does not think twice before helping (and most probably getting hurt again). Though I’ve blasted Hobbes for that many times, I think that’s amazing. *Remain so, just stop expecting any gratitude, whatsoever. And I still will blast you the next time you do that :D* In Hobbes’ own words, “You fool me once – you are clever; You fool me twice – I am stupid; Hobbes is not stupid; wow, I like that line”.  I do too 😀 😀

Of course, Hobbes has faults. Well, who doesn’t (except me!), right? Hobbes frets too much about the past; is too perfect and orderly (yes, that’s a fault!); goes into a shell and refuses to talk about it if something upsets Hobbes; does not appreciate telegrams (!); is not a great fan of Calvin & Hobbes despite being christened Hobbes (!!); thinks an i10 is better than a Punto (bah); aaaaaand walks way too fast 😀 😀 Saddest of all, Hobbes does not forgive the mistakes made by self (if they can be called ‘mistakes’, which I personally don’t think is what those are; I think everything is a lesson, a learning, an experience…it makes you one bit stronger, one bit wiser). *You need to get over them, Hobbes. I know it is easier said than done, but you have to. Otherwise, you won’t really get time to make new mistakes 🙂 What’s life without mistakes, to crib over and learn from?*

There are times Hobbes can be absolutely morbid, absolutely mind-numbing and absolutely shocking. I have fallen off my chair quite often at certain things Hobbes said. I’ve laughed sooooo much that I’ve gone so red in the face, making Hobbes all alarmed that something might happen to me. 😀

I’ve also gaped in awe at certain other things. Like the courage, the perseverance, the patience, the sense, the logic. Most importantly, the pure will to survive and succeed.

The most amazing thing, however, is the way Hobbes can get up or down to any age level 😀 Right from 5 to 50 😉 We are capable of being two kids fighting over who is better than the other…and can, in the blink of an eye, be two very mature adults, having a serious discussion on life’s complexities 😀

We have long conversations and longer spells of comfortable silences. I read somewhere “The best kind of friend is one with whom you sit on a bench, saying nothing and when you get up and go, you feel as if you had the best conversation of your life!” Oh, I believe that to the last word now 🙂

*Hobbes, I’m immensely grateful to you for the companionship you gave during some real bad times; for listening to all my cribbing like it was the most important thing at that moment; for guiding me on when I needed directions; for the many, many coffee breaks and walks; for the many deals; for some real impressive pep talks; for the umpteen laughs; for all the mentorship; for cheering me up when I was depressed; for making September 2011 a bearable ordeal; for correcting me when I was wrong; for being a true friend all the time. And most importantly, for being the delight that you are…for being you.* 🙂

Friendship is a rather strange thing. It is not about going out together and ‘having fun’ all the time; it’s not about having weekend trips together; it is not about lavishing gifts on them; it’s not about sitting around a table together and secretly wondering if you have everything your friend has. Most importantly, it’s NOT about being supportive even when your ‘friend’ is obviously wrong: that’s being the goody-goody, I’m-there-for-you-whatever-you-do Samaritan. Friends don’t let each other tread the wrong path.

Friendship is definitely about being there for each other, through good times and bad. But more importantly, it’s about being a critic and a guide. Goof around, have fun, call each other names, pull each other’s legs, land a surprise, lend a shoulder. But when your friend is wrong, have the courage to point it out, help the person correct the wrong and get back into the right. Be an unconditional friend, but be a valuable one first. That’s when you’re a true friend.

Which is why…

Guess with Hobbes, I just got damn lucky 🙂

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P.S.: Hobbes, here’s wishing you a fantastic new beginning that remains fantastic till the end. What you leave behind, is definitely something that is best left behind 🙂

P.S. of P.S.: I’m not to be held responsible if being known as “Hobbes” does further damage to your “aura” 😀 😀

P.S. of P.S. of P.S.: I still insist: there is no aura 😀 😛

yey! happiness is happening!!

Very little had been happening in life to be ecstatic about — of course, I’m generally a happy soul, so it takes unbelievably lovely news/things that’ll make me feel like I’m feeling now — about to burst with happiness!

What do you think could be better than a mail (comment, in this case) from a friend you’d thought you ‘lost’, saying:

I need yu beside me no matter what(I/Yu) do, for I kno il never find another yu…..;)

Yey!!

Jaya, I  just cannot tell you how happy I am….how happy those words have made me. I had almost given up on being forgiven…and while I never expressed it much, it used to tear me apart that you’d lost that ‘connection’ with me! But now! Wow! I…I love  you! 😀 I am just so happy! 🙂

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For all you people who gave me consolation, chided me and assured me “it’ll all be ok” when I wept about what it takes to lose a friend…here’s what she said…here’s how she forgave 🙂 Yey!

Its not everyday that you get a friend who thinks like you, acts like you, eats like you, sleeps like you, talks like you and what not like you… But when you know the other person like yourself, its hard to be angry with the other person for long. But when you do get angry, its even harder to get over it…. Cos, for my wedding I dint really care about the 1000-2000 ppl who came ter (I din even kno half of them). And above all my friends it was yu who mattered the most, cos it wos yu who i told first when I went bonkers for the guy, yu wer te first person to kno when the dates go t fixed for te wedding and yu wer te first person I expected to be at my home b4 te weddin. ……….…………………But I also know that I was tooo rude to you even though you tried a lot of ways to make it up. But I guess wot tey say bt time healing is true  Cos I just wnt to say I am all over it now and I am reelly SORRY for being so rude. Im taking back all tat I said n yur still my best friend.
Cos like te song goes,’I need yu beside me no matter what(I/Yu) do, for I kno il never find another yu…..;)I kno im bein a lil mushy here, but I don care.Lov yu loads diiii….;);)

I’m just so so soooo happy today, that I could even be convinced into liking Bangalore! 😉

Yey! 😀

all it takes to lose…

Doesn’t matter how many years you’ve been friends for; doesn’t matter how many times you’ve stood by each other; doesn’t matter how many jokes you’ve shared; doesn’t matter how long you’ve been there for each other; doesn’t matter how many jokes you’ve shared; doesn’t matter how many pranks you’ve played; doesn’t matter how many, many times you’ve told each other “You’re my best buddy!”. All it takes to lose a friend is not to attend her wedding!

I learnt this the hard way. May none of you ever!

P.S.:

My apologies! You’re still my best friend! 😥

all-time buddy…broken-toe buddy!

Friendship…it’s a weird thing! And friends…they’re weird people! 😀

They come into your life when there is no space left. And then, there is no time left! Your life walks over, takes an entry ticket to the nearest circus grounds and gets a seat on the most violent roller-coaster 😀 It’s an amazing phenomenon…

They say “Everything in life will change…only friendship remains the same.” Well, though I don’t agree totally to that, I do think friends are some of the most dynamic things that happen to you! No one else can be with you and create total havoc in your life 😀 …

There have been many friends who’s come, stayed, left and come back again…but none has mattered more than Jaya. Well it’s not Friendship Week or Friendship day; its not her birthday. What prompted me to write this is a really funny thing that happened to Jaya! 😀

Its quite easy to say “He / She is my best friend. We have a lot in common.” But in our case, the ‘lot in common’ has always been a bit too literal! 😉

Oh, the fun we’ve had!

Of all that we have in common — attitude to life, interests (books, hobbies, bitching and guys), memory failures, i-live-to-get-into-trouble syndrome and what nots — the most striking has always been our voice! And the things we’ve done with it 😀

Hehe…everyone — from her parents to her boyfriend — always had (still have) trouble distinguishing her from me and vice versa. I once had the most embarassing conversation with her boyfriend 😀 Anyway, we have intentionally and unintentionally fooled many people and laughed our guts out!! Those stories are quite personal (and I’d be murdered if I publish them here 😀 ).

Well, coming back to the funny thing that happened to her… Yesterday, she broke her toe ! 😛 (No no, I’m not a sadist friend who is overjoyed at her toes woes 😀 )

Flash back 😀 : Two years ago, I went to the beach with a cousin and we were shooting sand at each other with our feet. At one point, my foot met his! He screamed at me for the little layer of skin I accidentally peeled off his leg — while, I wasnt even aware of my broken toe till I reached home 😀 I couldnt believe it! I’d broken my toe in the most stupid way one can break a toe 😀 . With that broken toe, I went off to Mumbai the next day with Jaya (for our project completion) and climbed every single available foot-over bridge at all most of Mumbai’s stations — across VT, Andheri, Juhu, Dombivali, Thane and Mahalakshmi 😀 …and then we went to Goa…with that same broken toe (you cant expect a toe to form bone, zap in 10 days)!!! And my dear freind teased me for being “the committed student”. (I looked at it as a chance to freak out in Mumbai and Goa with my best friend 😉 . Project? What project? Toe? Aah…slight pain there! 😀 )

Yesterday, Jaya had Thiruvaathira practice at her office. The girl by her side put her best foot forward — but

a thiruvaathirakkali in progress somewhere 😉

at a time when it was uncalled for — and Jaya broke her toe! 😀 😀 😀 Thiruvaathira is a dance form that gives no room for violence! It’s one of those slow moving, peaceful dances. C’mon! If she’d been practising break dance, I can understand 😀 😀 😉 Hehe…knowing Thiruvaathira steps, and having done it myself a few time, I’d say she broke her toe in the most stupid way one can break a toe 😀 😀 😀 (but not as stupidly as I managed). And the “committed employee” is in office even today. Took no leave, could not stay away from work (or is it the practise?) 😀 😀

Edi, njaan athum kond nadann odukkam 3 weeks-il heal aakumaayirunnathu took 3 months. Maryadaykk veetil irikkaan nokku 😀 . Get well soon, honey! Mwah! Love you loads, my broken-toe buddy ! 😀 😀

Image courtesy: http://www.indovacations.net